Bruce Hendrick

Where'd She Go?

Thu, 27 Feb 2025 19:28:16 GMT

The safer we feel, the more trust thrives.

After a moving performance of Les Misérables , I stood under the theater marquis with my friends for a picture. A gracious woman offered to capture the moment for us, and without hesitation, I offered her my phone for the shot. That was the last I saw of the woman, my phone, and the credit cards stored in its case.

No, that did not happen. But for a second there, we can all imagine it. She took a great picture of us, and we returned the favor just like people do everywhere every day.

We live in a world of vulnerabilities. Some we are aware of, others we aren’t, and others we choose to disregard because we don’t want to live in fear. Outside that theater, it didn’t even occur to me that a smiling stranger could take off with my phone. Could I have been burned at that moment? Sure. But the price of constantly keeping my guard up is too high, at least for me.

When we feel safe, we can relax, be ourselves, enjoy life and work, and get to it. There is less drama in our family. Coworkers deal with issues while still small because looking imperfect and adjusting is okay. Leaders who feel safe consider conflict to be positive because, once resolved, there is growth and opportunity.

I often remind the leaders I work with that it’s our responsibility to help others feel as safe as possible. This includes leveling with people, holding them accountable respectfully and encouragingly, and showing them you have their back.

We know we’re on the right path to trust when people around us reveal their true thoughts and ideas. As leaders, fostering this trust is crucial to creating a safe and open environment.

Meanwhile, many people legitimately would never hand their phones to a stranger. They’ve learned through difficult experiences that safety is fleeting and must be protected with vigilance. These people work at your company, too. Take no offense when they struggle to open up. Just remain focused on providing a safe environment. In their time, they may surprise you with their insights and the depth of their engagement.

Take the pulse of your relationship, family, and company. Maybe some of your challenges can be traced back to the fundamental question, “Do people feel safe?” The safer our environments become, the more trust thrives, and other stressors begin to melt away.

Battle Charges and Sheepdogs

Wed, 13 Nov 2024 20:08:57 GMT

When leaders learn to be followers, powerful things can happen.

Most communication and leadership training I encounter focuses on:

Steering conversations
Influencing others
Stimulating action
Driving an agenda, or
Impacting results

All this makes sense, but what’s missing? It’s making the decision s to follow, to let yourself be influenced, get curious, or surrender to a new or better idea. Leadership needs followership to be effective. When leaders learn to be intentional followers, powerful things materialize.

Has a leader ever changed course based on your feedback or guidance? How did that feel? When asked this question in our trust-building workshops, common responses are respected, valued, and slightly taller. We fondly remember that leader’s choice to be influenced by us, regardless of the outcome. They earned some trust and loyalty that day.

“Among” Mindset

As a leader, the key to being influenced by others is more mindset than skillset. Instead of picturing yourself out in front of people (like a battle charge) or behind them (like a sheepdog), truly trusted leaders are among people.

When you are “among,” you want to know what people think, believe, and see. You anticipate the excitement, fears, and hopes of those you lead. Simple compliance is not enough because you know it’s unsustainable. So, while driving results, you do so flexibly because you want the whole team to arrive at the finish line.

But How?

Remind yourself before every interaction that the person you’re speaking with is just as essential and knowledgeable as you. They have different experiences, responsibilities, and expectations than you do. This informs their perspective, which, if encouraged, helps provide insights and possibilities beyond your imagination.
Let go of the “right” way and seek a better way. Remind yourself that the other person may hold a valuable clue, so get curious.
Slow down. When the leader is rushed, others clam up, and opportunities for collaboration fade.
Drop the tennis racket. Competition looks like ongoing “yeah, buts,” raised voices, pulling rank, or other win/lose stuff. Recognize when you fall into contest mode, breathe, and return to a place of mutual respect.

Whether you’re leading a successful business or the bake sale committee of the PTO, be the leader others think of when asked, “Who truly listened to you?” In other words, “Who did you trust?”

Bruce Hendrick

Founder & President

Building Trust, LLC

To Be Honest

Tue, 30 Apr 2024 16:55:18 GMT

"To be honest" can do more harm than good in trust-building.

To self-aware trust-builders, “to be honest” is a red flag. And so are its cousins “in truth,” “being straight with you,” and other similar opening phrases. These filler words often sound harmless but can subtly plant seeds in listeners’ minds that what preceded this declaration wasn’t as straightforward as what comes next.

And often, they’re right, which is why we say these things in the first place. Subconsciously, we catch ourselves dancing around or dodging a subject and then, in a vulnerable moment, decide to reveal the core truth.

This isn’t all bad. It shows we want to come clean with the other person, hold ourselves to a high standard, and dig deeper. But frequent use of such phrases can do more harm than good. Human brains are tenacious pattern recognizers; others around you are filing away any overuse of “let me level with you” and “candidly.”

Am I just being nitpicky here? To be honest, maybe. Do I want you to become conscious of the words you use? Yes. For 30 days, I invite you to be intentional with your language because that’s long enough to make a significant difference in your meaningful relationships.

Listen to how often you use these phrases for the next month. Don’t worry about editing yourself as you go. Soon, you will begin to share your thoughts without a preamble.

Listen for:

I gotta be honest here ; I’m uncomfortable with how you treated me yesterday.

Straight shooting , I see several risks with what you’re planning.

In truth , I find you very handsome.

Without the intros, the sentences above would have been much more effective. Do you agree? It’s more direct than you may be used to or are comfortable with, but with practice, you’ll find it more impactful and refreshing to speak your mind more freely. And as your new habit forms, you’ll spend less time in guarded or “safe” conversation mode.

This change can make you much more trustworthy in others’ eyes because you allow them (and you!) to experience your authenticity.

To be honest , you’re worth it!

Why We Teach Trust-Building

Fri, 19 Jan 2024 19:44:00 GMT

Recently, I offended a coworker in public with an offhand “joke” that cut deeply. At the time, I had no idea what I said bothered him because he, like most of us in that situation, masked his inner reaction to save face – both his and mine. I continued with my day, silently reliving the scene, enamored with my cleverness and lighthearted sense of humor.

Meanwhile, my coworker churned. He relived the scene, too, except when he thought of it I grew more mean-spirited and untrustworthy in the retelling.

So, what happened next?

At his first chance to see me in person, he stopped and asked if we could talk. He went on to share exactly how what I said bothered him, why, and how much trust I withdrew from our account that day. He did this assertively and respectively the whole time, yet I could see the intensity of his emotions beneath the surface. He wanted me to know that repeated incidents would not be okay.

His openness, vulnerability, and willingness to “go there” drew me in. I put myself in his shoes. And I could see myself being cavalier and heartless during that public moment a few days prior.

For my part, I felt genuinely embarrassed. His approach was so effective that I immediately joined him as a fellow human, not trying to defend myself, make light of the situation, or avoid responsibility. I apologized sincerely. He heard me but wasn’t quite ready to move on. Cue the brief but powerful silence.

The whole conversation wrapped up in five minutes. I was left with a very real need to restore trust and harmony, but he wisely said it would take time and that he “would see.” It was not what I wanted to hear, but it was fair, appropriate, and honest.

Why do I share this difficult story? After all, I teach this stuff, and here I go upsetting people. The answer is because it is a beautiful example of trust-building in the real world. My coworker, even though he was frustrated, felt safe and equipped enough to do this. He would rather get it out on the table than bury it, pretend it didn’t happen, or fake a smile for the rest of our working lives.

Would this discussion happen at your place of business? Do you feel safe and equipped to have the honest, meaningful conversations you need? With your peers? With your leader? There are many ways to tackle this challenge, and they all start with the decision that you deserve to work in an environment where you can trust others and they you.

Many weeks later, my coworker and I are on track for restoration. This incident will remain in the past (assuming I control my “wit,” that is). To quote myself on page 15 in my book, “Trust can’t be rushed. The pace of any relationship is set by the willingness of both persons to extend trust, not earn it.”

It’s important to remember that no one works trust-building skills perfectly, even me. Luckily, we humans are a forgiving lot. If people recognize a sincere effort to be genuine and true to our word, they are likely to overlook the occasional mistakes we are going to make.

How do You Know When to Call?

Tue, 19 Sep 2023 19:22:51 GMT

How do you know when to call in a trust and leadership trainer/coach?

Quick! Without over-analyzing, choose the word below that best describes your current work environment:

Outstanding. Frequent risk-taking, open communication, collegiality, and trust. Conflict is seen as positive (it’s growth trying to happen).

Good. Pockets of effective relationships. Generally, trust levels have plateaued. Significant conflicts are eventually addressed.

Okay. Work gets done, but often through individual heroics. Conflict is avoided. Pain tolerance is higher than necessary.

Poor. Underperformance, chronic stress, and a general sense of isolation. Conflict feels unsafe or unwise, so it goes underground. Surface politeness reigns.

Dysfunctional. Pervasive mistrust, passive aggression, low expectations of self and others. Conflict is avoided at all costs and festers.

Choosing one of the above is already a healthy step. Now let’s see what your organization looks and feels like, and if and how Building Trust (BT) can help.

If you answered Outstanding, ask other impact players and influencers in your company if they concur. If so, congratulations; your trust game is solid! Now if you want to raise the bar even higher, BT can help you target specific improvement areas.

If you chose Good, you have a strong foundation with room to grow. There may be opportunities to help teammates stuck in unhelpful communication patterns or strained relationships, plus learn better ways to interact for themselves and the team. Good organizations often call BT for leadership team unity and development, too.

If you selected Okay, your team gets things done — at a cost. Nobody loves conflict, but it feels extra risky at your organization. There is much trust-building work to do, and it will take time. Trust work can’t be rushed. Please be encouraged! These environments can and do get better when top leaders are engaged in the needed changes and when we give each other grace along the way. With sincere commitment and positive energy, momentum can build quickly.

If you answered Poor, your company may be at a trust crossroads. It will take a concerted effort by almost everyone to pivot towards increased communication, vulnerability, and mutual accountability while running the business. It’s not easy, but it’s doable if people care about the mission enough to see it through. BT comes alongside every player in the firm who needs our help.

If you answered Dysfunctional, people must accept the stress, over-polite CYA email chains, and ineffective decision-making that are hallmarks of untrusting cultures. Typically, it takes serious business consequences (turnover, losses, etc.) to pile up before these organizations awaken to why trust matters so much. Until that day, I’m sorry, BT can’t do much to help. We love working with groups who value trust from the inside out!

Now What?

Sometimes, trust challenges are localized to certain people and relationships (“If only those two would figure this out, gosh, it would be great around here”). Other times, it is more generalized (“I’m not sure if I can say what I really think here; I’d better not”). Another common pattern is the “us versus them” trust issue, where we start looking at coworkers as adversaries rather than fellow teammates.

At BT, we love helping people overcome trust and leadership challenges and excel at their primary mission. This usually involves working with talented people who, for one reason or another, are tolerating behaviors (their own and others’) that need to change.

An experienced outsider is sometimes needed to listen, provide ideas, and help you chart a path forward. What Building Trust doesn’t do is “should” on you, as in, “You ‘should’ do this” or “you ‘should’ do that and all will be well.” We join you in the trenches and provide the tools or techniques you need to gain new leverage on your specific challenges or opportunities.

All of the above can be improved when we acknowledge the situation without grudge and reestablish trust one relationship at a time. We’re ready when you are.

Building Trust LLC — Celebrating 15 years of improving relationships, developing teams, equipping leaders, and accelerating careers.

Celebrating 15 Years – An Open Letter to our Building Trust Clients

Mon, 26 Jun 2023 17:45:00 GMT

Fifteen years ago, when Building Trust hung out our shingle for the first time, we had no idea how many lives and careers we would be privileged to impact. We are immensely grateful for these opportunities, many of which have been challenging, sensitive, or both.

We got into this business because we believe high trust underpins professional effectiveness in teamwork and leadership. Without it, work becomes stressful, hyper-vigilant, political, and slow. But when trust exists, work feels fun, relaxed, loose, and efficient.

Most experts, and people in general, emphasize how vital trust is, but they move on quickly to other, less icky subjects. Building Trust walks alongside you as you build (or re-build) it in the real world. This is brave, uncomfortable, but highly rewarding work. And so I want to say a few things to those courageous people we’ve been privileged to work with over the years.

Ninety percent of our work comes from personal referrals. “I know just the guy to help you with that” is more powerful than any marketing or advertising we might do. We appreciate all our current and former clients who endorse us to their friends and colleagues.

While we teach and advise on many business and leadership subjects, every session we conduct increases trust in organizations — provided that the client does the heavy lifting. Most BT clients are already good; they want to get even better. If this is you, we’d be glad to help!

FAQs. Everything you always wanted to know about Building Trust, and aren’t afraid to ask.

Wed, 15 Mar 2023 19:39:47 GMT

When should I call Building Trust?

When you have talented people who have hit a trust or teamwork plateau; the pain is real. You risk continued subpar results, unnecessary and costly turnover, or both.

Why should I work with Building Trust instead of another consultant or trainer?

As a practicing CEO of a high-trust organization, Bruce quickly connects to the teamwork challenges leaders face. In short order, he helps you identify root causes and works within your natural style to bring your team to higher performance with less stress.

What are some expected outcomes?

Better decisions through more cohesive leadership (or other) teams, improved individual performance through 1-1 coaching, and fewer strained relationships as trust levels improve throughout the organization.

What strategies do you use?

We start with a free initial consultation to understand the scope and specific challenges. We then use a combination of team sessions, individual coaching, and small workshops to raise your key influencers’ trust-building and leadership skill levels. As needed, we even facilitate relationship coaching conversations between two professionals.

What do you expect from your clients?

Transparency on the trust, leadership, and communication challenges — and how they are changing. A sincere effort to apply the tools and techniques that Bruce introduces. Patience; in most cases, the environmental changes we seek will take substantial time.

What results have other business owners had?

See the Building Trust testimonial page here:

How can I add more things to my already busy schedule?

High-trust organizations are dramatically more efficient than low-trust ones. When your people are aligned and communicating fully and freely, decisions are made faster and better, projects get implemented with less friction, and the number of wasteful political emails drops rapidly. Investing in Building Trust saves time.

How can trust-building initiatives fail?

Wait for someone else to change before we take action ourselves. Incredible breakthroughs are available to us, but they start in the mirror. Bruce has been guiding people through this rewarding transition in a positive way for decades, but the client must do the heavy lifting.

Why Bruce?

Bruce is that rare partner who understands trust — and mistrust — at the most profound personal level and how to lead and teach others to elevate to a higher place. He’s been honing these skills since the late 1980s and is ready to help you.

How do I get started?

To schedule your initial conversation with Bruce, contact Jenni at Building Trust at 330-641-7140 or email us through this form: Ask a Question

A new future built on trust

Thu, 30 Jun 2022 15:00:00 GMT

I’ve had a lot of people ask me, “why the career change?” when I left social work to work for Building Trust. And some who are probably thinking, “why hire a social worker to run a business”? I can’t speak for Bruce’s decision to choose me over other candidates, but I can easily explain why I wanted to work for Building Trust.

I was invited to be part of Bruce’s Building Trust Experience when my job at the time had me assigned as a Resource Coordinator with his other company, RBB. I remember telling my boss, “Sure, I’ll go.” But what did I need with trust-building? I was a social worker whose training and career depended on earning other people’s trust quickly and professionally. I was proud of how often I was told, “you make me feel so comfortable,” and “I know I can trust you.” In my work with hospice, I had to enter strangers’ homes, make them comfortable enough to share their stories, and encourage them to talk about what they wanted their own deaths to look like. If that doesn’t involve trust-building, then I don’t know what does. Yeah, I’ll go to this workshop; maybe I’ll learn something new.

The first day was pretty much what I expected; most of the material was old hat, stuff from Social Work 101. Communication barriers. Active listening. Maslow’s hierarchy. I had this down. Though I have to say that Bruce’s style was a lot more entertaining than most of my college classes. Still, I remember that something started bothering me – a small, quiet voice told me there was something I needed to pay attention to here.

Then the role-plays hit. Watching these was like watching the practice therapy sessions they use in grad school. While observing and giving feedback to the other participants, I also made mental notes. I watched others appear so comfortable, so self-assured as they went to “icky” places – places that made me anxious just watching them. By the time it was my turn, my emotions were raw and barely under the surface. I got through it, somehow.

As I processed the entire experience, I came to know that my personal “icky” place was that I didn’t feel safe – that I didn’t trust other people even though I excelled at getting others to trust me. And for years, I had been hiding that fear behind the pretense of “professional boundaries” that allowed, even encouraged, me to put up walls. With walls to protect me, I was willing to witness and make room for others’ pain and ignore my own.

With a lot of help – that started long before my BTE and continues to this day – I learned how to start removing my walls. Without them, I don’t have the emotional strength for the day-to-day demands of social work, and I was paying for it with the cost of my own mental health. I knew I had to find a different job. But I still wanted to work where I could forge relationships, build connections, and make a difference – even a small one for someone. When Deb decided to retire, and this job was posted, I couldn’t pass up the chance to give people tools to build better relationships and to build trust – not only with others but, maybe, with themselves. That was – and is – the energy that pulled me forward, to step away from what I had known into my new future. I’m loving it here.

The Great Reevaluation

Thu, 02 Dec 2021 15:02:00 GMT

The Great Reevaluation

by Bruce Hendrick | Dec 2, 2021

We’ve heard that contentment is not having what we want; it’s wanting what we have. But this framework itself comes from an achievement mentality that seems to be losing its appeal these days. “Wanting” and “having” are no longer the driving forces they used to be.

Before the pandemic, most of us were caught up in pursuing —a position, a person, an income level, or outside approval of some kind. Today, a lot of that just doesn’t seem as important. There is a growing sense in the country and among our clients that life has become more precious, and we cannot waste another moment on things, people, or endeavors that make us unhappy or unfulfilled.

More people are focusing on three human rights, expressed as the 3 Be’s.

To the extent a career, a relationship, my current geography, my work hours or location, or even an asset (home, car, etc.) interferes with these things, they are being discarded. This may be surprising to many people, but not to those who are making the changes. One aspect of this is the Great Resignation, but don’t let the labels fool us. It goes way deeper.

We have had a collective brush with death. We’ve gotten sick, lost someone close to us, had a prolonged fear/stress reaction, fought the powers that be, or suffered significant hardship. Or maybe all the above. And we are tired of it. It’s no surprise then when we simplify our lives down to the most important things, and here’s the new twist, in the time we have left . That’s what happens after trauma – things get clearer, fast.

There is a growing urgency that permeates much of our coaching and training work these days. The feeling is, “I want to invest in my team/self/job/company now so that we can succeed and enjoy the ride now .” People want to love how they spend time now , not at the expense of the future, but as a pre-condition.

No, we all don’t have to quit our jobs. But reevaluate? It’s a perfect time. Most of us can claim the 3 Be’s right where we are, but we must communicate our needs constructively and build trust with others to see them realized. We need these skills regardless because if we make that job change, we don’t want to reproduce today’s frustrations at the next place!

Helping people and teams connect with others, solve problems collaboratively, and feel better with less stress – this is Building Trust’s wheelhouse. If we can help you navigate your time of reevaluation, please let us know.

Want More Trust?

Fri, 06 Aug 2021 18:42:00 GMT

Want More Trust?

In my training and coaching work with organizations, I encounter folks who want meaningful connections with coworkers, friends, and family members. They leave our workshops feeling energized and well-equipped to break down barriers that get in the way of gutsy collaboration and good mojo. However, sometimes, within a couple of months, what seems like a new opportunity to open things up with other people becomes a heavy lift.

Instead of calling that uncomfortable but necessary one-to-one conversation with a person, our new trust-builder dodges the chance to do so. They carefully craft an email, wait and hope the issue resolves itself, or slide the topic onto the department meeting’s agenda. In other words, they play it safe. And the relationship trust that might have been built in that private chat doesn’t materialize.

Can you relate? Of course! Me, too.

Fallacy

Stuck relationships will get unstuck when the other person gets their act together. They will see the error of their ways, I will feel safe again, and we can begin to restore good communications and teamwork.

Reality

As opposed to merely peace, genuine trust is built on the other side of the “icky” place. This means working through the issue, not around it. Plus, there’s a 50/50 chance that I may need to adjust as much as the other person.

It’s the combination of these two that keeps many of us pinned down at crunch time. We feel a bit unsafe already, and the fear that we may need to change ourselves in some way is enough to delay us for another day. And that day turns into a week or a month or forever.

Empowered

Here’s the thing. Thankfully, it helps to remember that trust-building always begins with me . Waiting for others to start to think or behave differently gives all my power away. I set myself a trap when I depend on others to become more trustworthy, apologize, or see the light of my way of thinking on their own.

Lighter Load

What can we do to improve trust the easy way? Make deposits in the trust accounts with each person in our world. Here are the top three ways that matter:

Doing these simple things creates a safe place where people can be themselves and trust us to handle their challenges in a positive way, even when we disagree.

Slow and steady wins this race – you can’t force trust. Once we realize that we are driving our own trust bus, we take small daily steps (like all that matters in life) with everybody around us. Then, when a tough conversation is needed, we can do it. It’s just not that big of a deal.

For more practical ideas on how to have more trust in your life and career, pick up a copy of The Building Trust 60-Day Workout . To arrange for one or more personal Coaching sessions with Bruce, contact Deb@brucehendrick.com . Visit here to learn more about upcoming sessions of our fun and highly interactive trust-building workshop, The Building Trust Experience

Coming soon from Building Trust, LLC: The BTE 2.0 Trust Acceleration Program

BTE workshop participants have been clamoring for follow-up training to apply their trust-building learning at a higher level. This new single-day program presents a wealth of new material presented in Bruce’s popular down-to-earth style. Let Deb@brucehendrick.com know if you’re interested!

Bruce Hendrick, Founder, and President, Building Trust

Building Trust Without Collaborating

Fri, 12 Feb 2021 19:53:00 GMT

Wait, what?

In my latest book on 60 ways to build trust , collaboration is highlighted as the best way to deal with conflict. By finding common ground and working together to get mutual needs met, two people can bond to overcome all sorts of other challenges. When both people need to buy into the outcome, hard-fought cooperation is critical. So yeah, at Building Trust and our clients, collaboration r us.

And yet there are situations when it’s appropriate not to collaborate, too. In 1974, Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann published an insightful tool that indicates how a person uses five forms, or “modes,” of handling conflict: avoiding, accommodating, compromising, competing, and collaborating.

When it comes to trust-building, I usually work with clients to find the way forward that allows mutual safety, transparency, and assertiveness, which requires some amount of time and risk-taking from both parties. Given this ideal context, let’s look at when to employ the alternatives to collaboration.

Avoiding
I’m not a big fan of avoiding conflict because the issue is not likely to disappear on its own. Still, I recommend avoiding a battle when you expect emotional reactions, when very little can be gained (it’s a molehill, not a mountain) or when the timing is inappropriate (say, in front of others, causing embarrassment). When choosing to avoid a conflict, practice detachment or acceptance as a way of maintaining your equilibrium. Then – you guessed it – when things are calmer (assuming it’s not a molehill), get back to it before the issue grows.

Accommodating
Sometimes yielding your position builds trust! It’s the opposite of competing to win. Or when the costs to you are low, but the benefits of harmony are high, it can be caring and smart to show that you value the other person and the relationship by letting the issue go. Accommodation is a choice, and, like anything else, it can be overdone, and that’s usually when the doormat feeling takes hold. Note how this approach differs from avoiding in that here, the other person realizes that you’ve aligned your position to theirs.

Competing
When building trust, yes, it’s okay to compete – if it’s over the right things and done well. For the team’s good, when you know that you’re right about something important, especially if you are the lone voice of reason, you must compete to win. You may lose, and that’s life, but there are times when shying away from “the good fight” is irresponsible. Competing is also a viable strategy when quick action is needed, when consensus fails, or when people are politing all over each other .

We don’t want to come off as a malcontent or a bully, so the best way to compete and build trust is to fight fair, be persuasive (use facts, not emotion), warn of the potential outcomes (not threaten), and do it with tough love (“because I care enough to level with you, here’s what I see…”).

Compromising
This approach is suitable for non-vital issues (Mexican vs. Chinese for dinner) or when both sides are exhausted from competing or collaborating on a complicated issue and need a temporary solution. Nobody’s happy, but we both understand that it’s the best we can do for now. Compromise builds trust only when it genuinely meets in the middle, though. Take care that the final bargain favors no one – all should feel like equal losers!

Many repeatedly favor one or two of the above strategies when the others are probably more appropriate. The more trust we have with one another, the freer we feel about employing all of these methods at crunch time. Call me at (330) 465-3322 if I can help you or your organization. Or pick up a copy of The Building Trust 60-Day Workout .

Bruce Hendrick
Founder & President, Building Trust

This is our Moment.

Tue, 08 Sep 2020 17:26:00 GMT

With this post, I may end my political aspirations, but it’s a price I’m willing to pay. Before I make my point, in fairness, I begin with some personal disclosure.

I grew up in a white, middle-class family in Ohio, USA. Boy Scouts and baseball were my things. I was heavily influenced by my mom’s severe and persistent mental & physical illnesses. Many of my close loved ones have faced the whole gamut of mental health diagnoses over the years. Both sides of my family of origin strongly align with the Democratic Party. I’m divorced, with three amazing grown children.

I became an engineer at The Ohio State University. After a long career in manufacturing management, I now own two companies: an electronics assembly business, and a trust-building consultancy. I spent 48 years as a Catholic and currently worship our Lord Jesus in a non-denominational church.

So I’m a small business owner who is also a left-leaning, bible-believing, divorced ex-Catholic, committed to spreading the gospel, and building trust in every relationship. Just so you know. Which part of me is talking here is anybody’s guess.

Pick an Issue
Mask wearing, same-sex marriage, Black and Blue lives, gun rights, Trump vs. Biden, vaccines, whatever. Each has become a cause for salute or consternation for most folks I know. I have countless friends, relatives, and business associates on either side. I love them all.

Competing perspectives on each issue claim powerful arguments that sound perfectly reasonable to those within their camp, and scandalous to those in the other. Neither side seems willing to be influenced. Matters have grown beyond mere principles. The vibe that permeates our country and my little corner of it: “If you’re not for us, you’re against us.”

My Dilemma
When it comes to “ insert issue here ,” I often feel like an imposter to my friends, mentally defending the merits of the opposite camp. Since I know and love both sets of people, it feels only just. Occasionally I probe around the edges of their stated positions looking for a little respect or at least diplomacy for the opposing view. I’m having less and less luck finding it.

Since I build trust for a living, I grow uneasy with my mental duplicity. I often advise my clients that real trust requires candor, vulnerability, and openness, and I usually do well at leading by example. Yet on the polarizing issues of the day, I feel like a snake in the grass – in both lawns.

Our Moment
Much as I feel alone in this, I know better. Those of us with eyes open to both sides of an issue, and the shades of grey in between, have a duty here. We’re the ones who must stand in the breach. If not us, who? If not now, when?

As an American, I appreciate, value, and defend individual freedom – regardless of my personal beliefs. Otherwise, freedom has little meaning. Others have the right to believe differently than I do, and it’s my daily responsibility to respect them.

To my left-leaning friends, please don’t waste this moment. The pursuit of “justice for all” is a worthy fight – and all means all, not just those with whom we agree. Scorn, ridicule, and condescension cannot exist where true progress and trust reside. When our methods demonize our opponents, we’ve already lost that which we claim to pursue.

To my right-leaning friends, please don’t waste this moment. The pursuit of freedom is a worthy fight which must include everyone, not just those with whom we agree. Scorn, ridicule, and condescension cannot exist where real honor and trust reside. When our methods demonize our opponents, we’ve already lost that which we claim to pursue.

Will you accept an olive branch from the other side? Respecting, even celebrating, our country that allows all our disparate voices to coexist seems like the common ground from which respect for those voices can surely thrive. Certainty of position does not grant us the license to disparage those who see things differently. Great leaders from both the left and right have taught us this.

The more we can be ourselves, without fearing judgment, the more trust we get. Can we trust those with whom we disagree? Of course! I do it every day, as they do me.

As for standing in the breach, it starts with recognizing that America needs relationships built on trust and that seeing others’ intrinsic value – regardless of their views – is the first prerequisite. Those of us who can see both sides of an issue must summon the courage to make harmony happen out there in the real world. This is our moment.

For many simple, specific things you can do to improve interpersonal trust at any time, read Bruce’s latest book, The 60-Day Building Trust Workout .

Trust Culture: Can We Level with Each Other Here?

Fri, 05 Jun 2020 18:40:00 GMT

Trust Culture: Can We Level with Each Other Here?
No, just no: virtual collaboration is not the same as doing so in-person; it’s not even a close approximation. The idea that online tools can replace authentic interpersonal communication is a delusion. I teach trust, and I must level with you about this. Don’t get fooled or over-reliant on Zoom.

Now, I’m tremendously grateful for Zoom, Microsoft Teams, and their kind. Online communication tools are indispensable for overcoming physical distance, given the speed of life and business. And they provide a visual connectivity lifeline that phone calls don’t.

But there’s a big difference between coping and thriving. If we’re not careful, we may lose our way. We’ve adjusted to today’s realities because we’ve had to, the way anyone copes with crises that are not of our choosing. We’ve recently hopped online to perform so many things that maybe we think this is universal now. I’ve heard many influential leaders suggest that we’ve turned the virtual corner for good. This would be short-sighted and foolish, and we do so at significant risk to ourselves, our people, and our company cultures.

I’m not talking about working from home vs. the office, as we know that various people can be productive or unproductive in either setting. I’m talking here about our human connections themselves.

The Root of Trust
Real, deep trust is built interpersonally and in no other way. It’s formed with repeated subtle interactions that transcend language, mood, and situation. A trusting relationship is earned and cultivated and sustained only through repeated behaviors over time. To trust someone, we need to witness their reactions first-hand, in real-time, and learn that our thoughts, emotions, victories, and insecurities are safe in this person’s hands. We must see and experience the person to know that they understand and value us. Unless this trust foundation is built, we don’t feel genuinely safe. Alas, there are no shortcuts.

Online tools can augment a trusting relationship with our teammate or boss, but they can’t replace the power of physical presence.

As the World Turns
Ventilators can be lifesaving, but they’re no substitute for lungs. We will eventually move beyond the present crisis. High performing people and companies recognize that the online tools we leaned on during this period may, if taken too far, become unhelpful crutches.

Today, many great company cultures, like ours, have transitioned to WFH and functioning seamlessly online. That’s because trust was built while teams were physically together. Having that foundation gave us momentum going into the pandemic battle.

It would be unwise to assume that an environment long stewed in the weak sauce of mere virtual relationships offers the same level of resilience for the future. Likewise, even if you enjoy excellent mojo today, the longer this crisis wears on, the greater the risk of its erosion – those daily nonverbal and subconscious trust deposits just aren’t being made, virtual happy hours or not.

So, What?
Leaders, remember the influence of physical presence. That voice in our head that says “virtual connections just aren’t the same” is so right. It’s on us to rebuild human-centered, high-value relationships at work as soon as safely possible. Our competitors, who choose to be satisfied with trendy but weak trust cultures – and who crumble in the next crisis – may live to regret it.

There is a lot of advice out there for making the best of the virtual environment. It’s vital to do so because we’ve all been dealt these cards. Get good at it! It’s an important skill that won’t go away. Just don’t lose sight of what really fuels your culture over the long term, and it isn’t going to be online. Trust me.

For many simple, specific things you can do to improve interpersonal trust at any time, read Bruce’s latest book, The 60-Day Building Trust Workout .

Building Trust Professional Leadership Coaching Services

Wed, 12 Feb 2020 16:18:00 GMT

I love helping fellow professionals to get unstuck. For me, that means being willing to sit still, listen fully to a person, understand each challenge’s nuances, and then suggest proven ways to tackle it. For the coached, it means transparency, vulnerability, and a willingness to step out from comfort. Tactics differ depending on the person, the situation, and the organization. But the strategies of building trust, effective leadership, and healthy teams usually do not.

As a voracious reader, author, trainer, and active CEO myself, I try to keep ahead of my clients. I’m not a therapist, although I’ve used my share. I’m not a priest or pastor, but I’ve leaned on these, too. Ditto attorneys and accountants. I’m a 58-year-old Christian, leader, business owner, dad, and volunteer. I’m at the stage where my energy and satisfaction come from helping others succeed in their career lives, provided they too dig deep to apply the methods we discuss.

Coaching engagements are unlike any other. They’re laser-focused on accomplishing the specific goals of the individual client – within the framework of their employer’s objectives. Establishing trust is a cornerstone of the coaching relationship, and must be preserved at all times. Progress requires mutual openness, risk-taking, and accountability. I meet with each coaching client to define expectations, identify pain points, and develop a plan to achieve goals.

Building Trust coaching services are fluid. We contract for a specific number of sessions, but fully expect to adjust the schedule and communication methods to accommodate the client’s dynamic environment. Coaching is most effective face-to-face or through live video chat.

It’s common for Building Trust training clients to sign up for 1-1 coaching, but I’ll work with any current or future leader who wants help. Coaching services provide:
• One or more assessments that are relevant to achieving goals
• Reframing of client problems/opportunities, helpful suggestions, and straight talk
• New tools and greater confidence to address workplace challenges

If you or someone you work with has reached a career plateau or needs help in getting unstuck at work, professional coaching with Bruce and Building Trust might be your answer. Our focus is on helping you accomplish your goals, and our context is firmly grounded in the Building Trust framework of building, growing, and restoring healthy relationships – since positive outcomes always start here.

Contact Deb Komer, deb@brucehendrick.com, to schedule an exploratory call (with Bruce) to discuss your unique coaching goals.

New Building Trust Executive Director

Wed, 29 Jan 2020 20:22:00 GMT

Deb’s responsibilities include business development, marketing, building client relationships, scheduling, invoicing, and several other roles!

Deb’s career encompasses the Information Technology, Sales and Marketing, and Customer Service fields in the following industries: insurance, manufacturing, sales, transportation, and logistics.

Her dedication to helping others in their pursuit of being their best serves the Building Trust community well.

Deb and her family are residents of Sharon Township, Ohio. She has been married to her husband, John, for 30 years and they have two grown children, Jeremy and Jessica. She enjoys spending time with them at the beach and entertaining family and friends. She also likes to volunteer as an assistant to a local newspaper reporter, as a photographer and fact gatherer.
Deb can be reached at deb@brucehendrick.com or 330-321-6710.

Welcome, Deb!

The Building Trust 60-Day Workout is NOW AVAILABLE!

Mon, 04 Nov 2019 15:55:00 GMT

3 Easy Ways to Gain More Credibility

Fri, 13 Sep 2019 17:48:00 GMT

Meanwhile, seasoned players call their shots. When the targeted ball goes in, we know there was skill involved. Even when the game doesn’t require it, the veteran player commits to a specific shot. The more shots they make, the faster their credibility grows. Not so with the beginner.

To build credibility, we commit to what we want to accomplish: we call our shot. In business, this usually means promising to get specific tasks done by a particular date. And when we come through, we rightly get credit for it.

We need to decide what measurements are relevant to success in our world. Some will be outcomes like points and runs, and many will be indicators such as fouls, errors, and outs. We want both – and not just for our team – but for us as individuals.

By tracking our performance against these measures, and displaying the results where others can see them, we show that we know what’s important, that we aren’t afraid to be held accountable, and that we are working on the right priorities. It’s the visibility of the numbers that speak volumes about our credibility.

Does it mean that until now we’ve been dis honest? Or that we typically speak in safe, guarded terms, but in this case, we’ll make an exception? Close cousins of “to be honest” are phrases like “quite frankly,” and “to tell you the truth.” These expressions tend to soften, distract from, and weaken our actual point.

A more credible approach is to say things directly. “I can’t hear you right now,” stands stronger on its own than with the softening phrase in front of it. I realize this may take some getting used to. To be honest, it’ll be worth the effort. We will speak with more clarity. And we’ll even believe in ourselves more.

Credibility, like other aspects of trust-building, is not something we should assume others give us just because we’re friendly. These three ideas can help to solidify our reputation as trustworthy people.

What Makes Building Trust’s One-Time Events Stand Out?

Fri, 30 Aug 2019 14:44:00 GMT

The work of trust-building has many facets. It can involve simple awareness, group or individual education, skill-building, facilitation of a group initiative, and even 1-to-1 coaching. Building Trust, LLC (BT) has been serving all these needs since 2008.

We offer four primary services: The Building Trust Experience 2-day workshop , Custom Training Series that we design to specifically address the exact needs of your organization, Professional Coaching which gives leaders the chance to resolve particular workplace challenges, and finally One-Time Events .

Why Engage BT for your special event?

Every event we assist with adheres to the organizer’s agenda while encouraging stronger interpersonal communication and trust. This happens in subtle or not-so-subtle ways.

Clients of BT’s One-Time Event services include for-profit companies, civic organizations, industry associations, schools, and non-profits as well. That’s the thing about trust: it’s relevant wherever humans are found! To hear about how we helped one organization, listen to Judy Talcott , President & CEO of Goodwill Industries of Wayne & Holmes Counties , talk about how we helped with strategic planning.

If you think Building Trust may be the right fit for your organization, reach out to Carrie to chat!

Trust Training: I’m Not Sure I Can Trust It!

Tue, 06 Aug 2019 15:22:00 GMT

You’ve heard something about the workshop offered by Building Trust, but due to the, well, trust issues at work, you have some serious misgivings about it. If so, you’re not alone. If you’re willing, let’s look at this question head-on.

At work, is this you?

If more than one of the above describes your environment, then trust-building help is a great opportunity. You likely know the high price already being paid for your over-polite yet unhealthy atmosphere.

But it’s not that easy. Trust-related training feels risky, especially if the people with whom you struggle may be in the same room. Common concerns are:

The Building Trust Experience (BTE)

The atmosphere of these sessions is friendly, understanding, and fun. Barriers drop quickly as people discover that everyone has strengths, weaknesses, and blind spots when it comes to working relationships and trust.

The instructor, Bruce Hendrick , has taught thousands of trust-builders from all walks of life. While doing so, he has personally led businesses and teams in manufacturing, government, the church, and non-profits as well. Course material is not just theory or the latest book summary. It represents a lifetime spent in the trenches, navigating difficult trust issues at home and building award-winning businesses with high-trust/high mojo cultures. Bruce knows how to challenge folks to dig deep, to diffuse difficult situations without embarrassment, and to bring conversations back to solid ground. In their feedback, many say that BTE training is the best they’ve ever attended, on any subject.

Reinforcement

Sometimes, self-awareness and the shared BTE learning experience are all that’s needed to break your logjam of mistrust. Over time, leaders can then demonstrate trust-building behaviors and hold the organization to a new, higher standard.

Occasionally it requires supplemental professional Coaching and targeted Team Training for long-term change to take root. Fortunately, Bruce/Building Trust offers both of these reinforcing services.

If you’re still on the fence, many former participants would be glad to share their before-, during-, and after-BTE experiences with you. To speak with them directly, please let us know . We’ll get you their contact information. How’s that for trust, eh?

Ten Coaching Questions

Thu, 20 Jun 2019 17:57:00 GMT

When coaching other people, it’s sometimes valuable to take stock of both sides of the relationship. Effective team development requires the coach to be constructively candid and the coached person to be engaged and ready to grow. If either of these elements is missing, results will be meager.

4 Paths to Build Trust

Mon, 13 May 2019 19:05:00 GMT

Building Trust has big plans in 2019. We are growing and expanding beyond what we have done for the past 11 years – in services and locations.

The Guy in the Hat

Wed, 06 Feb 2019 19:51:00 GMT

I may have a problem. Sixty high-quality hats and counting. I’m not sure when a collection becomes a vice. And I’m not asking. Panama, fedora, trilby, cowboy, porkpie, top hat, fisherman, and sombrero. Leather, wool, felt, rabbit fur, or straw, and every color – even purple.

What’s Coming Up in 2019?

Fri, 16 Nov 2018 18:01:00 GMT

What’s coming up in 2019? Building Trust has big plans for the coming year and look forward to having you be a part of it! Check it out:

Our flagship training workshop known as the Building Trust Experience (BTE) continues to grow in popularity! So in 2019 we’ll be offering this 2-day program every month of the year. Tentatively scheduled for the third Monday/Tuesday of each month, this highly interactive and memorable experience is focused on how we use our natural style to stimulate more trust with those around us at work, at home, and elsewhere. Join a public session with people from other organizations or arrange for a private session with 12 of your own people. Contact Carrie Guenther at carrie@brucehendrick.com to reserve your spot- space is limited! More Information: Building Trust Experience.

It’s finally here

Bruce’s next book “The 60-Day Building Trust Workout (Volume 1)” will be ready in the summer of 2019.

The book is for you if:

Every day a different element of trust-building is presented. Examples draw from both life and workplace settings. Like his training, Bruce avoids clichés and complex theories, instead sharing what works in the real world, in bite-sized chunks.

Finally, if you believe the amount of trust in your life is other people’s responsibility, this new book is not for you!

Building Trust Academy

Alongside RBB , in the summer of 2018 Building Trust moved into 1909 Old Mansfield Road, Wooster, OH. This our new World Headquarters! We feel like an overnight success that’s been ten years in the making.

As part of the new Building Trust Academy, plans are to convert some of our new space into a large and comfortable training room that can host various BT workshops and events. In addition, we’ll be publishing for the first time a comprehensive online catalog of service offerings and training topics.

Future Home of the Building Trust Academy

Remember, all Building Trust training, speaking events, and other strategic sessions are led by Bruce Hendrick, a proven leader, author, sought-after speaker, and current CEO and business owner. The concepts, methods, and techniques that Bruce delivers are those he has practiced, honed through trial and error, and personally implemented in many types of businesses and organizations.

We look forward to working with you to help build trust in your organization! Please reach out or to Carrie or Bruce if you have any questions!

For leaders who are fed up with their team’s plateaued performance, we infuse disciplines to build trust and take your team to a whole new place.

Building Trust Celebrates 10th Anniversary!

Thu, 06 Sep 2018 19:04:00 GMT

10 Years Old:

HERE

2018 marks the ten-year anniversary of the founding of Building Trust, LLC . Although I had been actively involved in trust-related coaching and training within my own employers since the 1980’s, it wasn’t until 2008 that I hung out a shingle.

2018 marks the ten-year anniversary of the founding of Building Trust, LLC . Although I had been actively involved in trust-related coaching and training within my own employers since the 1980’s, it wasn’t until 2008 that I hung out a shingle.

Building Trust Timeline:

Building Trust & RBB:

Building Trust

RBB

What is Next?

A new book is coming out: a 90-day trust-building tune-up, split into bite-sized daily chunks, in 2019.

A menu of quick-hit talks and customizable training modules that clients can fine-tune to their needs.

The establishment of a permanent BT training facility at 1909 Old Mansfield Road, Wooster, OH.

More public and private BTE sessions.

As we begin our next chapter at Building Trust, Carrie and I are looking forward to serving you in fresh and exciting new ways! Stay tuned!

As we begin our next chapter at Building Trust, Carrie and I are looking forward to serving you in fresh and exciting new ways! Stay tuned!

Building Trust Welcomes New Team Member

Fri, 17 Aug 2018 17:37:00 GMT

Please help us welcome Carrie Guenther to the Building Trust family. Here are a few words of introduction from Carrie:

I hope to use my variety of experience to help the Building Trust message reach more organizations and businesses. I have experience in Marketing, Communications, Journalism, and Administration, including customer relationship marketing, event planning, writing and video production.

Beyond work, I have been married for 18 years to John. Together, we have a 14-year-old soon-to-be freshman in high school (When did that happen!!) We enjoy attending our son’s school events, hiking and camping. You can also find us many weekends attending car shows, with my husband’s 1971 Triumph GT6. On my own, I also enjoy baking and reading.

Please get in touch! I can be reached at carrie@brucehendrick.com or at 330-988-0590.

Best Wishes,

Carrie

Messy but True Story of a Healthy Culture

Mon, 18 Dec 2017 17:54:20 GMT

A healthy culture doesn’t mean we don’t get sick; it means we heal quickly.

True story. A healthy culture doesn’t mean we don’t get sick; it means we heal quickly. The question addressed in this post is not whether your culture will face headwinds and challenges but what happens when it does.

We got sick one day at RBB recently. And yes, I got permission from those involved to tell this tale. I, the CEO and Owner of our 55-person company, was out of town and had zero impact on this situation.

Recently our sales reps began working from home on Wednesdays. As a courtesy they informed everyone in the company. Our production employees got upset and saw this as unfair… especially right then, since sales were not at our goal. One of our young and passionate supervisors fired off an email to senior managers. She closed her message with “How can we overcome this without losing valuable employees who want to work for a more honorable company with rules fair enough to all?”

Say you’re one of those senior leaders. What would your reaction have been?

Exactly.

Thar she blows

The senior leaders, like you would have, took that email personally and got angry fast. Being called dishonorable is not a difference of opinion; it’s a judgment. Those who were on-site immediately (and privately) vented among each other. Their first response was to air it out with a colleague. “They don’t understand.” “It’s not their call.” “What a bunch of whiners.” “Why don’t they just go back to work?” You get the idea.

But they calmed down before taking action. I don’t know, maybe they said the anti-resentment prayer: Lord, help me forgive those who sin differently than I do. In any case, here’s what happened next.

They pulled every available manager and supervisor together into a room right away. Polling the team, they listened fully to all parties and didn’t react, even nonverbally. The main arguments, both of which the supervisors shared with their shop floor folks, were:

Why do the salespeople get a day off every week and we get into trouble when we’re not here?
Don’t the salespeople feel the same pressure that we do to get our numbers up? If not, why not?

Once they knew their concerns were heard and respected, I’m told that a lot of the steam left the conversation.

Back to shore

At that point the leaders took over. They thanked everyone for their courage and honesty. They reminded these influencers that our culture is based on trust – of other departments, management, and each other.

They emphasized our Core Values and RBB Behaviors . In particular they thanked them for fighting to maintain our good mojo, which was felt to be in jeopardy. We can’t ‘Speak the Truth’ or ‘Make Harmony Happen’ if all we do is complain among ourselves.

Next came a respectful explanation of the unique roles that various employees play. In RBB’s case, most people build and test printed circuit boards which requires the use of equipment (which is on-site) and each other (on a set schedule). Our salespeople don’t have these same constraints so they have the freedom but also the obligation to work early, late, on weekends, and from anywhere – without additional compensation.

As to the pressure for the numbers, this is exactly why the reps focused a day per week to get even more undistracted work done from home. Unlike most employees, salespeople’s paychecks are directly affected by our numbers.

While that sunk in, the team was encouraged to tell themselves a different story: The reps are moving heaven and earth in their own way so we have more work to do out here on the floor.

The leaders looked for unified understanding, not consensus. They valued everyone and even though some didn’t agree (and still don’t), that’s okay as long as we’re cohesive going forward. The meeting wrapped up with a communication plan for outside the meeting.

Later that day our excitable supervisor was coached privately about her use of emails and word choice!

My Take

People spoke up, even though it was an icky subject. Feedback was shared and mojo restored (mostly). Future two-way dialog remains open.

The best news is that we had this conflict. We leaned into it.

Not: Leaders pretending it would blow over.

Not: Waiting until Bruce got back into town.

Not: “We’ll take it under advisement – get back to work.”

Not: “Don’t bother complaining, nobody ever listens anyway.”

Not: “How dare you!”

Not: The end of a promising supervisor’s career.

Not: Letting a valid concern go underground and destroy our mojo.

I received this email from the supervisor before I got home: It was an icky topic and believe me I was terrified. But if anything, it got us to a place where we had to sit down and agree and/or disagree. The managers said this wouldn’t be a business if we didn’t have a little bit of conflict. They brought some new light to my eyes that I hadn’t thought about.

I felt anxious and scared going into the meeting and a whole lot of relief and understanding leaving. I am growing, Boss. I might not be able to handle all the situations I face the best way, but out of each and every one I learn and move forward.

That right there is culture worth fighting for.

When it comes to culture, what you tolerate, you endorse. If you tolerate stuff like passive aggression, you’re saying that’s okay with you. Or missed deadlines, or tardiness or sweetness used to avoid facing important issues. Healthy cultures are intentional; they’re flexible and sometimes messy. They’re not accidental.

Messy but True Story of a Healthy Culture

Mon, 18 Dec 2017 16:18:00 GMT

True story. A healthy culture doesn't mean we don't get sick; it means we heal quickly. The question addressed in this post is not whether your culture will face headwinds and challenges but what happens when it does. We got sick one day at RBB recently. And yes, I got permission from those involved to tell this tale.

6 Thoughts for Chief Execs Preparing to Hand Things Over

Mon, 04 Sep 2017 18:39:00 GMT

Back in May at the Small Giants Summit in Detroit I gave a talk on practical ideas on making the hand-off from one chief executive to the next. In my last blog post I focused on the next-generation side of the equation. This time I’m speaking mostly to company founders, business owners, or other head honchos who are handing their “baby” over to the care of someone else – a tough, postponed, and often botched transition.

For this posting I’ll assume you’re aware it’s time to step aside in full or in part and regardless of your age or circumstances. You’ve identified your successor. You are not selling and disappearing; a real hand-off needs to happen. What can you do to make this changeover as healthy as possible? Here are some tips from the trenches.

Do things that send the message you’re not in charge anymore. Keep those fingertip controls (in #1 above) coming so you know the pulse, but change your job title. Switch offices. Work away from the office more often as time goes on. Find what works. Remember, your absence infuses your successor with tangible authority. If others monitor your okay-ness by looking at you over your successor’s shoulder, you haven’t done enough yet.

Congratulations! Now walk towards the future you’ve envisioned. You, your family, and your employees will be grateful you did.

Please feel free to add your own advice in the Comments section below.

Featured on the “Growing With Purpose” Podcast

Mon, 04 Sep 2017 18:35:00 GMT

This summer, I was honored to be interviewed by author, leader and Small Giants Community founder, Paul Spiegelman on the Growing With Purpose podcast. Paul's excellent podcast profiles leaders at a personal level about how and why they lead as they do. By weaving together moments from my book.

6 Recommendations for Next-Generation Successors

Mon, 12 Jun 2017 01:36:00 GMT

I recently gave a short talk on leadership transitions—in particular, the handoff from one chief executive to the next—at the Small Giants Summit in Detroit. Since joining RBB in 2000, I’ve been on both sides of this coin. I offered a number of hard-won, personal lessons to this enlightened audience of business founders, owners, CEOs, and up-and-comers.

From personal experience, I can tell you that no two transitions are alike. But by following the above guidance, you (the heir-apparent), the current leader, and, most importantly, the organization itself will be well served. You’ll be ready to take on the responsibility for the “baby” and others will know it too.

Please feel free to add your own advice in the comments section below.

Next time, I’ll share additional thoughts for chief executives on how to make the best possible handoff to the next person in line. It’s a difficult challenge even under the best conditions, so let’s learn from each other.

Wayne County Administrative Professional Day

Tue, 16 May 2017 14:11:00 GMT

Late last month, I had the opportunity to speak at the University of Akron Wayne College’s twenty-second annual Administrative Professionals Day event.

When invited to speak, I jumped at the chance. I have the utmost respect for administrative professionals and firmly believe they’re the glue that holds our organizations together.

It was a jam-packed morning, with topics ranging from how to inspire each other, motivate oneself and creating an atmosphere where you can feel safe and encouraged to pursue your own goals no matter your job role.

A big thank you to the University of Akron Wayne College for having me and to the ever-inspiring audience for a great morning!

Next up, you can catch me at the Small Giants Community Summit in Detroit, May 16-19.

Trust Issues: How One Leader Inspired a Culture of Trust

Tue, 07 Mar 2017 17:13:00 GMT

I’ve spent my entire life learning to build trust. As I grew up, my mom faced significant mental illness, so I learned first-hand how isolating life can be when trust is absent. Over time, I learned to cope with and, after much healing, eventually overcome these challenges. As a business leader, I’ve always been tuned into the telltale signs of mistrust. Frankly, I just can’t bear it when employees get stuck in these toxic patterns. For me, it’s personal.When I took the reins of leadership at RBB in 2001, my duty was to preserve the best of the culture without shying away from necessary changes. RBB was founded in 1973 by three socially-mindful engineers, so there was already a great foundation in place. Over the years, these leaders had fostered a strong culture of financial transparency, inclusion, and an intense focus on customer service.

But even with many of the pillars of a great culture in place, there was much work to be done to build trust across the company. In my short time at RBB, I had taken part in or observed too many signs of a low-trust environment. Over the years, I’ve learned that building a culture of trust begins with your personal example as a leader. The mood in our company was ripe for change – here’s the process that worked for us .

1. Know the Signs of Mistrust

I knew early on that building trust across the company would be high on my priority list. Without it, achieving other company goals would be that much more difficult. Our process started with identifying signs of mistrust in our daily culture. Through my experience with several other companies, I identified some universal signs of organizational mistrust, namely:

2. Get Your Team to Buy In

When it comes down to it, your entire culture of trust rests on your personal example as a leader. If you want folks to trust each other in your organization, start with yourself. This process starts by building higher levels of trust with your fellow leaders and with every person you encounter. People notice. They want to emulate an effective leader.

It was time to share my observations with the team. I got everyone together and openly described the price we pay on a personal level when we don’t feel safe with our co-workers. I named the pain that many were feeling on a daily basis, but were trying to hide. I also promised them that there was a way out. It wouldn’t be easy, but it would dramatically improve our working environment.

It worked.

We had great people on our team, and they were ready and willing to make a change and turn the corner. Together, we committed to cutting down on the costs of mistrust and embracing the opportunities that would come with a healthier culture.

3. Build, Build, Build

After having the Big Talk, everyone agreed that we were paying the high costs of mistrust and were eager to see the opportunities above materialize. With the team on board, I volunteered to teach a two-day workshop on interpersonal communications for everyone in the company, with about a dozen employees at a time.

It took about two years to get everyone through the initial workshop. When necessary, we conducted follow-up sessions and individual coaching sessions, too. In some cases, things got worse before they got better. We were finally dealing with unacceptable behaviors and pent-up frustrations. In fact, in two cases so much earlier damage had been done that two individuals parted ways with RBB. They quickly realized how committed we really were to open, honest, and constructive trust building, and it just wasn’t for them. While unfortunate, these exits actually accelerated our progress.

After four years dedicated to trust-building efforts, the transformation was palpable. The vast majority of relationships in the company were free, open, and mutually trusting. Our interpersonal stress became issues-based and temporary. We were dealing with what I call the “icky” stuff without taking things personally. We could move on from conflicts quickly. Decisions became easier, better, and less risky. Customers felt it and they told us so. Company performance improved significantly. And when people acted in ways that eroded trust, they stood out like sore thumbs.

Are we a conflict-free company? Of course not. But we trust each other enough to talk things through openly and in the spirit of unity, allowing us to act like teammates, not adversaries, even in stressful conditions.

4. Maintain Your Culture Every Day

As every values-driven leader well knows, our work is never truly finished. A culture of trust is only sustainable through daily care and feeding by every person in the organization. At RBB, there are many aspects to how we maintain our culture, in small yet significant ways:

After four years of hard work, living out our culture of trust had become so natural that I opened another business in 2008: Building Trust, LLC , a firm committed to spreading the “trust wealth” to other businesses and organizations. I encourage you to take the pulse of your current environment and evaluate the trust-related behaviors in play within your organization. And if you need any help along the way, feel free to contact me personally .

This blog post was originally featured on the Small Giants Community Blog .

I’ll be taking to the stage at #SGCSummit2017 in Detroit May 16 – 19, 2017 alongside a lineup of game-changing business leaders from all walks of life.

Click here to r egister now for the can’t-miss annual event of the year for values-driven leaders.

Why you want to download the 11 Commandments of Building Trust ©

Tue, 09 Aug 2016 06:21:00 GMT

Trust is a simple topic that can often seem like an over-analyzed mess. This white paper cuts through the clutter to reveal 11 essential trust-building behaviors, distilled from three decades of in-the-trenches business leadership.

Trust boils down to one question: do I feel safe? The 11 Commandments of Building Trust© foster rapid growth in mutual trust and confidence. Meanwhile, violating even one of them erodes whatever level of trust is already established.

Explore the nuances of each Commandment as they manifest themselves in your personal and professional lives. Make small but meaningful changes in each area continuously. Over time you will build the enviable reputation of someone who can be counted on. People will want to follow you. Your impact and influence will grow, without the need to be larger than life. And when you do make mistakes, others will extend you grace since you will have earned the right to your own humanity along the way.

To aid in practical value, I’ve included tell-tales with each Commandment. These are readily observable signals that help us to measure how we’re doing in each area. Now if you’re ready, it’s time to dive in!

Your Business, Your Legacy Podcast

Thu, 10 Mar 2016 15:00:00 GMT

Building Trust Experience: Public

Fri, 11 Dec 2015 01:56:00 GMT

Vistage CEO Group Dallas

Fri, 11 Dec 2015 01:55:00 GMT

Building Trust Experience: Public

Fri, 11 Dec 2015 01:52:00 GMT

The Best Path Forward

Fri, 13 Nov 2015 03:23:00 GMT

On November 7th I was honored to give a TEDtalk at the College of Wooster . The event’s theme was “green light” and speakers were free to interpret the topic as we wished. Here’s how I approached it. The concepts that follow apply equally well to our business and personal lives.

Green light moments are opportunities where life, God, circumstances, or our own restlessness trigger the road to open ahead of us. Usually there is urgency at these times too, as if the driver behind us might beep the horn. In my experience, we have three alternatives at these green lights:
1. Escape the Current Situation (exit the current discomfort, pain or failure)
2. Recreate the Current Situation (with a newer but oh-so-familiar situation)
3. Pursue a Better Situation (that looks, feels, and is better)

Naturally we want #3, a better situation than the one we’re in now. But often we go through a transition only to discover that we had chosen #1 or #2. Have you ever changed jobs and found out later that you’re in new surroundings but the same old rut? Or maybe you’ve moved to a new city and yet after the honeymoon period wears off not much in your life has improved? We need some techniques to help us pursue a truly better direction – and that allow us to permanently turn the corner on the past.

End, Don’t Escape
While escaping a dangerous situation is a valid choice, rarely does flight lead to a thriving life. For example, if a mouse darts my way I’m going to recoil in the opposite direction (yes, every time). When it comes to life’s green light moments, when we act without thinking (either automatically or emotionally), we often just escape what we don’t like. Things might be improved for a moment, but it doesn’t last.

In his book Necessary Endings , Dr. Henry Cloud explains that we humans have a tendency to carry relationships, habits, jobs and other aspects of our lives well beyond the point they serve our best interests. To thrive, Dr. Cloud advises that we treat our lives like one who prunes a rosebush – by removing the dead branches, the sickly buds, and even the buds that will be mediocre at best. This allows the healthiest roses to get the room, nutrition and sunlight they need to blossom fully.

So too with us. When we learn to end situations that aren’t working for us (and even treat this ‘pruning’ as normal), we are much more free to blossom as individuals. It’s much healthier to end the condition that is not working, whether it be a job, relationship, or habit. Putting an end to things is necessary for growth: think caterpillars and butterflies. The best part is that once the current condition has ended, there is no need for escape!

Create, Don’t Recreate
Okay, great. We took the time to end the current situation… and we feel free to make our move into the future. But if we’re not careful, we may recreate the past by hoping a new person, situation, or geography will somehow fix things. Things may start off well but then we wake up one day and find ourselves in the same old mess.

We should answer a tough question: “What aspects of my past or present simply do not belong in my preferred future?” Even better, let’s make our answers personal. In other words, we face our own contributions to the current situation (without blame, guilt, or judgment) and consciously decide not to repeat these same patterns.

I got married quite young. It lasted five short but painful years. I knew I wanted to be married again but I first had to admit to my share of our marital troubles. It was vital that my next marriage would not abide those behaviors and attitudes. Thankfully, my wife Donna and I recently celebrated 23 years together. So far, so good.

We all get green light opportunities. Some we choose and some are placed upon us. So that we don’t settle for merely escaping, let’s get closure on our current situation by ending it first. Next let’s decide which elements of that circumstance don’t belong in the future for ourselves, our families, or our businesses. Then we can hit the gas pedal and not look back!

Coming Soon : the published TEDtalk, where I illustrate these concepts through my own personal journey. I hope you enjoy it!

Where Will Bruce Appear Next?

Sat, 17 Oct 2015 20:25:00 GMT

Whew! It’s been an impactful time of public speaking lately. I’ve been delighted to influence businesses and communities in Northeast Ohio.

NAMI Wayne and Holmes Counties Annual Gathering

As a Board member of our local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) affiliate, I’m grateful for the chance to help arm both caregivers and those in recovery find wholeness, peace and strength.

RBB Systems Strategic Pivot

MAGNET & Crain’s Cleveland [M]Power Event in Akron

Out my comfort zone, I was volun-told to join a panel of actual experts. Having said that, sharing with other small businesses – in plain English – what works in the online realm appeared to be highly valued.

Manufacturing Day

On Oct. 1 ^st , 350 high school students from all over Wayne County gathered to spend the day learning about excellent careers in manufacturing. I’m the guy in the hat moderating the panel of millennials who are thriving in their roles at local companies.

College of Wooster Entrepreneurial Studies

This group of future rock stars included students from a variety of class years, majors, and countries; they returned to explore more deeply the topic of leadership in the real world. RBB hosted this event on Oct. 12 ^th .

Healthcare Practice wrap up session

On Oct. 16 ^th , Building Trust wrapped up a 6 month training series with a progressive and growing practice. As we know, the industry faces relentless change while always seeking to provide the highest quality of care. Teamwork, Trust and great Customer Service have been the themes of our learning.

TEDxWooster

The third annual event is hosted by the College of Wooster on Nov. 7th; this year’s theme, “Green Light” featured some tremendous speakers discussing getting the go signal in life . Stay tuned for future video of this speech!

Christian Business Owners Fellowship

On Nov. 11 ^th , I will give the keynote address in Cleveland. I talk about how a personal, saving relationship with Jesus Christ has changed my thoughts and actions regarding leadership, business, and an integrated life. I also share stumbles and triumphs, some thoughts on leaders who surrender, and how God uses our business circumstances to work out our salvation.

The Building Trust Experience

Preparations are already underway for the next BTE event which will be held in Wooster, OH on Nov. 17 ^th -18 ^th . A few open seats are still available for this intense and memorable learning opportunity.

The word is spreading! I love the chance to share 30 years of hands-on leadership, communication and trust-building expertise with a variety of audiences and venues. If I can help your organization in any way, contact me here .

Describe Your Kansas

Thu, 08 Oct 2015 00:39:00 GMT

Escaping Oz

Dorothy was shocked when Glinda the Good Witch of the North told her that she “always had the power” to go back to Kansas. Scarecrow asked why Dorothy had not been told this before. “Because she would not have believed me; she had to learn it for herself.” Which pretty much sums up my life and career.

Like Dorothy, I’m compelled to try things my own way before I surrender to the counsel of others. One of these hard lessons was the need for a company Vision. What pain and strife I could’ve saved myself and my coworkers! If only!

I often say that it is vital for any business to create a strong separation from its competitors via a crystal clear Mission. But a good Mission can’t do all the heavy lifting; a Vision is also required.

Let’s not spend the time to describe the process for writing a business Vision. Any search on vision will provide the detail you need on how to write one. The “How” is not really the problem anyway, is it? It’s the “Why.” And the “do I have to?”

In 30 years of doing business I’ve learned:

The absence of a galvanizing vision causes our people to take the company in their own preferred direction; we get a perpetual tug-of-war and a cauldron of mistrust.

Ruby Slippers

I recommend the simple yet powerful visioning process used by the smart people at Zingerman’s . According to Zingerman’s, all good visions are:

Here are some of the excuses I’ve seen (and used) over the years, along with suggestions on how to overcome them.

But I’m a lousy writer. Instead of writing, ask someone to record and transcribe a vision-describing conversation with you.

What if my best people don’t agree with the Vision? Then they are already working against it. You’d better hurry!

But I don’t want to choose one future over another. I’m best at rolling with the punches. Choose a healthy, vibrant future that is true to your values but still gives you some wiggle room.

Okay but what if I’m wrong? At least you and your team are now building toward a positive, specific future instead of settling for whatever life throws at you. Or doesn’t.

But I don’t want to be held accountable for what I write down! This is the price you pay, but in the end it is much cheaper than the costs and lost opportunities described above.

My company’s world is small batch electronics. Maybe your world is academia, accounting, or a doctor’s office. You need a Vision as much as we do. Where is your store, practice or office headed? What will it look like in ten years? How will its personality evolve over time? What demons are you fighting now that must be slain if you are to survive?

Describe your Kansas now and you will find, as we have, that you’ve had the power to get there all along!

Image Source: Google images

Enough Already!

Thu, 27 Aug 2015 13:56:00 GMT

My officemate has a habit of speaking too loudly on the phone. I’ve asked her politely to stop, but it keeps on happening. I like this person but I can’t hear myself think sometimes.

I witness others ignoring a company policy with only occasional, half-hearted enforcement from management… it drives me crazy.

A respected colleague shows up at meetings ten minutes late, each time with a ready excuse and apology.

Now is when the temptation to behave poorly can suck us in. We want to whine, beg, ridicule, embarrass, nag, scheme, control, punish, manipulate, scold, threaten, coerce, bribe and gossip. We’ve resorted to these methods in the past… because they work. Unfortunately they also damage relationships.

Let’s Get Past It and Build Some Trust

We want a quick and painless way of changing another person’s behavior. While no one should accept unacceptable conduct, with most of these annoying situations the first thing is to calm our thinking and emotions. Breathe. Count to 10. Take a walk.

Next, determine whether we have any power over the situation. For example, if I’m the manager of the person who shows up late for meetings, I can (and should) have a private coaching and accountability discussion with them, tying their punctuality to job performance. In peer-to-peer situations, I may influence them by asking politely… but power? Not so much.

What if they never change? Then what? Are we willing to remain miserable? As we acknowledge that we are powerless over the other person’s behavior we must decide whether to simply accept things as they are or to actively detach from the situation – and these are not the same thing! (An earlier blog post goes into more detail…)

Acceptance is seeing the value in the other person while intentionally overlooking their annoying behavior. That’s it. Choose to live with it and let it go. This can be difficult but it’s often a valid choice. Detachment , on the other hand, involves getting our own needs met without depending on the other person to change, or in other words seeking our own contentment regardless of what the other person does (or does not do).

Detaching In Action

Let’s examine the above examples more squarely.

My officemate speaks too loudly on the phone; their problem is the excess noise, whereas my problem is I can’t concentrate. Detachment requires me to find better ways to focus whether they ever talk more quietly or not. Here are a few suggestions:

And so on. We’ve detached from their behavior and are now taking care of ourselves in a way that keeps the relationship solid.

Note : Don’t practice detachment without having a polite conversation first, otherwise we’re likely to come off as passive aggressive.

In the second case above, their problem is that the company policy doesn’t seem important. My problem is that I believe policies should either be enforced or eliminated, since otherwise managers look weak.

To detach, I must let go of others’ decisions and find something constructive that I can do to ease this pressure. It’s probably best if I first accept that employees see things very differently and that I am powerless to change their mind(s). This gives me the freedom to find ways to actively detach, such as:

You get the idea. Detachment is a great way to recover our own serenity and build relationships – at work and at home – whether the other person ever agrees with us or not.

Oh… and that guy who always shows up late? I’ll leave you with that bit of homework.

Image Source: The Nest

I Messed Up; Now How Do I Rebuild Trust in Me?

Tue, 04 Aug 2015 00:16:00 GMT

In my Building Trust practice, I often speak on ways we can intentionally expand trust in relationships. Genuine mutual trust is so valuable it can be life- and career- changing. And once trust gets established, both people usually work extra hard to stay worthy of it. This is natural and healthy; it keeps us on the straight and narrow. Sure, but life is often messy.

Ask my kids what I’m like when I’m hangry . This normally composed teacher of trust and communication morphs into the Dad-o-Raptor.

Attendees at my training sessions universally admit that we mess things up with our loved ones and co-workers. We let each other down by commission and omission. When we fail at keeping up our end, either to what we’ve said or what comes with our role, we withdraw trust. So while it would be easier to talk about forgiving others, today let’s instead deal with problems of our own making. Or, as my father used to call them, the beds we’ve made for ourselves.

Suspend the Excuses

So let’s say we just messed up and deep down we know it. This moment holds the key to our (possible) redemption. If we can suspend our automatic excuses and self-justification, even for a few seconds, we might see past the immediate issue and recognize the larger problem – the withdrawal of trust. We have caused this blow to the relationship. And we had best decide to set it right.

As examples, high-profile public blunders are all-too common. Public Relations and crisis-management firms help celebrities and organizations repair damaged reputations; their advice is that sincerity and speed of response often determines outcomes in the court of public opinion. Repeated denials can kill trust forever (think Lance Armstrong, 2013), whereas rapid acknowledgement and corrective action ( Tylenol, 1982 ) can rebuild it quickly.

So we can’t start rebuilding trust until we own our part in eroding it! Whether on social media or in a private conversation, owning our shortcoming is the first step in restoring trust.

What Else Can We Do?

Remember: there are no guarantees when it comes to trust. We may feel that we deserve to be given another chance but there are many factors that impact a person’s willingness to grant us one. Our patience is key.

While we can’t control another’s ability to forgive our trespasses, I do recommend some very specific things that increase our chances.

Do we deserve to be forgiven for our mistake, behavior, decision or inaction? Well, as Will Munny (Clint Eastwood) says in Unforgiven , “Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.”

Final thought

We don’t live on planet Fair, just planet Earth. Since we all mess up, the best thing we can do is to have a strong, mutually-trusting relationship already in place. This provides the foundation and resilience to see things through the tougher times. Recovering from our mistakes is much less threatening if we work to make the relationship strong on a daily basis. That’s what Building Trust is all about.

Images source: Google Images

Build Trust by Going to the Icky Place

Mon, 29 Jun 2015 02:15:00 GMT

Build Trust by Going to the Icky Place

We’ve all been there – perhaps you are there right now. We’re at the edge, poised to talk about an issue that is awkward, uncomfortable, and (we fear) potentially volatile with another person. This issue matters, otherwise we wouldn’t have anxiety about it.

It’s what I call the icky place. And we hover above it, reluctant to “go there.” Our reluctance is, in itself, the dead give-away that we’ve reached the icky place. If you are like most people, you now have three primary choices: bottle up your thoughts and feelings, dive in, or accept things as they are. Only one of these options provides the opportunity to build genuine trust.

Most of my clients lament that our co-workers, family members or friends are usually not even aware of our inner turmoil, either because they don’t want to see it, or that we are effective hiders of the truth. As youngsters we were taught “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” We perceive going to the icky place as ‘not nice,’ so no wonder we are silent. Let’s start here.

Bottle Up our Thoughts and Feelings

This often begins in a harmless way: we tell ourselves to wait and see if the issue repeats. Is it real? We need to pick our battles, right? Don’t sweat the small stuff, we think. But it’s real, alright. Then we might buy ourselves “just a little” more time before confronting it. Maybe the other person is going through a bad time. Maybe this, maybe that… but now the pattern is well established. The snowball rolls into a small boulder. Confronting it now will be tougher since we have kept quiet all along.

The place seems too icky so maybe we now decide to just live with it. This is a common but very expensive choice. We are bothered by the issue but feel immobilized and scared to take action. Stress continues to build.

In my training I call this a beach ball ; we can’t let up our effort to keep it submerged lest it pop up in our face. The hallmark of bottling up is that the relationship gets stuck; the issue morphs into a psychological wall and it takes extra effort to see past it. Distance and mistrust settle in. Sooner or later, unless we can deal with this intractable problem, either we grow miserable or exit the relationship entirely.

Dive In

The way to build trust is to dive in and deal with the issue. (Easy for me to say.) Future blog posts will cover how to do this with best chances of success (as does our interactive training ). Even if done imperfectly, it’s the choice to go through the icky place that makes all the difference.

Overcoming our natural reluctance to discuss sensitive, difficult, or potentially embarrassing subjects takes more than just willpower. It often requires that we replace our hesitant self-talk with more empowering thoughts such as:

Imagine how good it will feel to clear the air. Breathe deeply and dive in!

Accept Things as They Are

While not as productive at trust-building as diving in, sometimes I advise acceptance as the way to go. Acceptance is best applied to those issues (or people) over which we have no power . It doesn’t resolve the issue, but it still offers a viable way to release the beach ball. We are trying to diffuse the stress and unresolved conflict. Examples might be: a loved one’s choice of spouse or a co-worker’s political polarization. Once we accept these things as out of our control, the door may open for the relationship to improve at a later time.

There’s a catch, though. If we try to jump from bottling up our thoughts and feelings directly to acceptance, we often kid ourselves. Unless we’ve at least tried to discuss the problem, we may in truth be trying to push the beach ball down even further. Acceptance is a worthwhile strategy to reclaim our own private serenity, but if we skip the icky place altogether, the opportunity to build trust with the other person usually fades.

In summary then, trust has the greatest chance of being built when we risk opening ourselves up and going through the icky place. Yet this is only one side of the equation; we still need the other person to respond in a positive way. In future posts we’ll explore how to do this with the greatest odds of success.

-Boaz Rauchwerger , Vistage International Speaker of the Year

Two Ways to Keep Molehills from Growing into Mountains

Thu, 21 May 2015 00:10:00 GMT

While it’s important to engage in those battles that are worth fighting , we must also have some handy de-escalation techniques in our trust-building toolbox. Two that work well are acceptance and detachment . By accepting certain things and detaching from others, we become less annoyed with each other so we can face the pressures of the workplace in a shoulder-to-shoulder way.

[Personal Note: As a 20-year member of Al-Anon , I learned to use acceptance and detachment in the crucible of coping with a loved-one’s addiction. Thankfully, the concepts apply equally as well in the everyday world.]

Acceptance and Detachment

Someone is behaving in a way that really bugs us. We are tempted to react with whining, begging, ridiculing, embarrassing, nagging, scheming, controlling, punishing, manipulating, scolding, threatening, coercing, bribing or gossiping. These common but unhelpful approaches may get us through a rough moment but they can leave scars in our wake.

Detachment is the art of getting our own needs met without depending on the other person to make the specific choice that we want them to make. I stop waiting for them to make that choice and begin making my own choices independent of theirs. Let’s say (hypothetically!) our spouse is a lousy cook or makes unhealthy meal choices. Rather than continually complain or silently suffer, I can go to the store myself and/or learn to cook. If I do this without animosity or resentment, I’ve “detached” from their behaviors and developed a better path for myself.

We can enjoy great, mutually-trusting relationships regardless of whether other people conform to our personal tastes! Good people around us may very well remain stubbornly human. As we accept them and choose to see these people in a more favorable light, we can reclaim the keys to our own contentment.

My next post will go into a few real-world examples to see how to put acceptance and detachment into action. Stay tuned!

Personal Trust Factors

Tue, 28 Apr 2015 14:45:00 GMT

Building Trust, LLC usually concentrates on what we can do to earn the trust of other folks. Today we explore the other side of that coin.

Do you ever wonder why trust seems to come more naturally to certain people? You notice that others’ willingness to extend trust differs widely from your own. Sometimes you wish you could just relax, open up and build that relationship. Other times you think that people are foolish for doing so; they are risking too much.

Let’s acknowledge that there is a broad spectrum among us as to how much trust we inherently offer to others. We want to be mindful of where we fall on this continuum. By knowing our own inclinations, we can be more self-aware and therefore apt to choose a wise approach.

[Standard caveat: I remind readers that just because we are devoted to building trust does not guarantee that the other individual is trust worthy . We must always keep our eyes open.]

Key Events

Key events in our formative years, and also at pivotal professional moments, often shape our reactions for years to come. These and other environmental factors offer a powerful glimpse into the influences that contribute to extending trust. And this is an ongoing process.

A few years ago I made a huge gamble. A large customer at a company I was running had begun to blame us for a slew of quality problems. Their own quality program had glitches but it was our reputation that was taking a beating within their management team. While “the customer is always right,” I knew that we bent over backwards to supply them. So I took a very risky and unpopular stand: I refused to ship more product until and unless we wrestled down the root cause issues in a joint session. Sparing the details, it went well. Mutual trust was restored and shipments resumed soon thereafter. Today that relationship is still in great shape.

What lessons did I learn from this? I’m sure you can fill in the blanks. But here’s the important question: if things had gone south and we had lost that big customer, do you think I would have learned the same lessons? Not so much. And in this way, the outcomes from the risks we take subtly accumulate over a lifetime. They determine how much, how often, and with whom we are willing to take risk.

People for whom extending trust comes more “naturally”, then, have learned through experience that it is safe to do so! Those who don’t give their trust as easily have plenty of personal evidence to the contrary. Now let’s pry this open a bit.

Our Own Journeys

A gutsy look at our own journeys might be worthwhile. We know that the events in our lives are important. Perhaps even more significant is (or was) our reaction to them. If we tried to put these trust reactions on a scale, it might look like this:

Think about the factors below that impact you as you extend trust to others. Using the scale, ask yourself where your accumulated life experience might cause you to react to unknown people, challenges or opportunities.

Personal Trust Factor

By being mindful of our own tendencies in this regard, we can choose the wisest path for ourselves, on both counts.

Click here to reserve your seat at the next public session of the Building Trust Experience on July 8-9, 2015.

Own My Own: Available Now!

Thu, 19 Mar 2015 12:03:00 GMT

Building Trust Overcomes Isolation

People have asked why I seem to have endless passion and energy around the topic of trust-building. I’ve shared with them that I know first-hand what it feels like not to trust – how isolating, stressful, frustrating, and fearful an untrusting life can be.

For those of you who might want a bit more detail, now comes a moment for a peek under the tent; my new book, On My Own, Recollections of an Unlikely CEO relates the true story of my childhood journey. Since a hallmark of building trust is transparency, I figured that I would lead by example and write a memoir!

Yet there are few villains or victims in these pages. Bruce Hendrick relates with refreshing humor and transparency what it was like to grow up in an environment of well-meaning people who faced life’s challenges without the coping tools or understanding they desperately wanted. As the chapters unfold we participate in Bruce’s journey as he gets himself into and out of trouble on a regular basis. We smile as we witness the foolhardiness of a decent but often misguided boy and watch as a budding trailblazer comes of age, one who is repeatedly the last to recognize his own leadership potential.

Readers are often carried back to their early years as they recall similar predicaments and victories, taking comfort in their own measures of spirit and…well, dumb luck. The bittersweet boyhood adventures of this future CEO are sure to leave you moved, inspired, and thirsting for more.”

Overcoming

Children learn to cope; when left to their own wits for answers, rarely do they find safe roads. If they are fortunate, as I was, to find sustaining friends, family and other support, they can eventually replace their unhealthy coping tools with ones that serve their well-being, not just their survival. Rarely does one emerge from the mental illness of a parent with a healthy sense of self, let alone clarity of direction.

While growing up, stability, consistency and predictability were fleeting at best. More common were mood swings, seizures, depression, and neglect – with the occasional period of love, humor and shame mixed in. We three brothers coped with this atmosphere very differently, but there were common threads: we couldn’t trust others, reveal our true thoughts and feelings, or make really close friends. We only felt safe when taking care of other people. The latter was also a cheap way of tackling the loneliness problem, if only for a moment.

Am I complaining? Not even a little. After all, it gave me my purpose for founding Building Trust, LLC.

To be authentically myself was hazardous as a youngster, and now I take immense pleasure in the simple act of following my own compass. As a leader, authenticity – even when it means not looking very presidential – allows me to make real connections with real people. Plus it’s a lot easier than faking it.

To establish trust in all my relationships is a lifelong desire. I can think of no higher compliment than for two people to honestly say, “I can count on you.” From where I was, having a large pool of mutually trusting relationships means the world to me.

To arm others to reduce their isolation in life and career may be the most compelling part of Building Trust. I will do whatever I can to help others to simplify, connect, and never again feel the utter alone-ness of the silent sufferer.

Click here to reserve your seat at the next public session of the Building Trust Experience on July 8-9, 2015.

Building Trust and the CEO

Wed, 25 Feb 2015 18:34:00 GMT

Top leaders often get a bad rap when it comes to trust, and I must admit this is not completely undeserved. In my experience though, the problem is not that that these executives are untrustworthy. It is more that they can seem so focused on the bottom line that a key element of trust – the interpersonal relationship itself – does not get the attention it deserves. So a significant portion of my talks focused there.

First it was the Industrial Age, then came the Information Age. Now that every customer and competitor has access to all the same information, a company’s only sustainable competitive advantages are its cohesiveness and ability to leverage the insights of every employee. Without trust this does not happen; the Trust Age has begun.

Bucking conventional wisdom, I contend that trust is not a “soft” skill. Yes, it is difficult to measure… but its presence is very real and so are its consequences. Companies whose employees trust each other outperform those who don’t. They have more fun, enjoy less turnover, make better decisions, and handle surprises in stride rather than crisis.

During my talks with the Austin leaders, we spent time on the often overlooked skill of effective listening. Most people – and leaders in particular – have a tendency to stop listening once they catch a word or two that triggers thoughts on how to solve the problem. As a result, people often feel discounted or rushed, which frequently leads to communication breakdowns. Under the guise of “being helpful”, these bosses can actually sabotage the very thing they want most: confident, motivated employees who can make good decisions on their own. Thankfully, with a little practice, leaders can learn to slow down, listen fully and guide people through their options without becoming the “answer woman.”

RBB Systems Dashboard

Another key concept we discussed was the importance of creating a Daily Dashboard. This information snapshot is used to deliver the status of the business very easily… like looking through your car’s dashboard and knowing whether your business is safely on the right road. Ideally, the daily dashboard should be:

I’ll leave you with this final thought. Your leaders want to trust you and to be trusted by you. When this happens your organization will reach new heights of performance and morale, plus you will rest easier knowing that the boss has your back. Your manager has a role to play in creating this – and so do you.

This blog and the entire Building Trust, LLC portfolio of services are dedicated to helping you thrive. Contact me if I can be of service or reserve your spot in the next Building Trust Experience Public Session being held on July 8th and 9th.

In Case You Missed It:

Check out the newest Building Trust YouTube video: The Bride Not The Veil .

Take a listen to the recent Building Trust radio spot feature on: “ Your Business, Your Legacy .”

Want to Get Promoted? Reduce Time, Cost, and Hassle

Wed, 04 Feb 2015 11:24:00 GMT

Recently we posted a summary of the key points I made in a talk to the Wooster Young Professionals. Now let’s take a look at some selected video segments, starting with a concept I call “the bride and the veil.”

Check It Out:

This concept actually stretches further. In the Building Trust Experience we define the three elements that are simultaneously needed to secure trust between two people:

When coworkers get too caught up in the organization chart (the veil), they lose focus on the business processes (the bride) and their contributions to the business suffer, which often limits or even damages their competence as perceived by others.

Let’s say an employee witnesses a customer being poorly served. Since most organizations cannot afford this, they would want that employee to quickly intervene on the customer’s behalf. But in many cases, employee self-talk sounds like:

Am I suggesting that we ignore the chain-of-command? No way. Trust would be scarce indeed if we did. I am saying that our first thought should always be to “make the bride happy” – in other words, to take time, cost, and hassle out of our business processes.

We are organized the way we are for only one reason: to operate our flow of activities in a simple, cost effective and easy manner. As we find better ways to handle things… we reorganize ourselves! This proves that the org chart serves the processes, not the other way around.

Veil-Focused Behaviors

Do you find yourself doing the things on this list?

None of these help the bride or your career.

Wherever you find yourself in today’s org chart, if you take time, cost, and hassle out of your processes, you will demonstrate your competence, build trust, and maybe even move to another box sooner than you think.

Image Source: Google.com

Video courtesy of C&C Video Productions and Modern Marketing Promotions

Exciting news! Bruce’s first book, “ On My Own, Recollections of an Unlikely CEO “, will be coming soon to Amazon and bookstores near you. Stay tuned to BruceHendrick.com for more updates and information.

Codify Your Behaviors That Lead to Success

Fri, 16 Jan 2015 16:35:00 GMT

That has always been true, of course, but unless leadership makes these standards crystal clear then accountability can suffer. We may chalk disappointing or unhelpful behaviors up to “Joe being Joe” instead of expecting Joe to get with the program.

The real advantage of having a documented list of behavioral standards is that it helps to address fit issues. People who can’t ( or won’t ) sign up to live by these behaviors stick out like a sore thumb; when everyone knows what the standards are, they don’t last. Even a robust hiring process that attracts only the best players cannot fully predict how new hires will actually behave when they begin interacting with teammates and customers.

Note that we did not write a code of conduct that we aspire to have. We simply wrote down what we already do… and ended up with a list of 21 items! We divided them into three subsets: how we treat customers, our personal conduct, and how we work together. In this 3-part blog series we will share each subset.

How We Treat Customers

We Move Heaven & Earth:

We recognize that obstacles arise in satisfying customer needs. We climb over, break down, or go around these barriers on a daily basis. We embrace requests and opportunities simply because they are new or different – because this is where our value is most felt.

We Swarm to the Need:

When a customer, the business, or an employee is facing a challenge we swarm to the task together. We don’t wait to be asked; we take initiative and jump into the fray with confidence, knowing that when our turn for help comes, it will be there. We know what we do and why we do it: We provide the best service and value through small batch excellence.

We Offer Options:

Customers are never villains. We are not victims. We create multiple possible solutions to customer problems and actively avoid backing customers into corners. We solve their problems, not the other way around.

We Commend Customers:

In the event of a mistake we explain, we find good remedies, and when necessary and reasonable we charge them to correct the mistake.

Our Personal Conduct

We Behave with Character:

We weigh every decision based on our character as a company and as individuals. Nothing has more value than our integrity.

We Are Safe:

We follow our health & safety policies and always seek additional ways to prevent illness and injury.

We Speak the Truth:

We Make and Keep Commitments:

We are accountable for what we say. In the rare case that a commitment may slip, we renegotiate a new promise well in advance.

We Check Our Ego at the Door:

Nothing can torpedo our overall effectiveness like protecting our ego. We recognize that in business we do not always get our way. A humble, servant attitude is vital to the RBB culture.

We Seek Knowledge:

We have a relentless quest for learning that matches the pace of change around us. Constant learning is our only defense against irrelevancy personally, professionally, and as a business. We overcome painful experiences by improving our methods and decisions.

We Keep Score:

We know the measurements that define our success and strive to achieve ever-higher performance levels. We acknowledge effort and reward results. We understand that profitability is required for longevity.

We Share Good News:

“Well done” is always welcome and encouraging.

We Deliver Bad News in Person:

Email beats silence, a phone call beats email, and face-to-face beats a call.

We Admit We Are Human:

We acknowledge our shortcomings with a sincere apology – without excuse, shame, or grudge.

How We Work Together

We Are Stewards of Our Collective Future:

Employee families’ financial well-being depends on a strong and healthy RBB, both now and in the future. This occasionally requires that short term sacrifice be made to secure the best chance of success down the road. We understand the need for these tradeoffs. We guard the assets of RBB as if they were our own.

We Embrace Company Objectives:

Priorities change over time, depending on the shifting opportunities and threats to the business. As new company objectives, directions, and game plans emerge we get on board quickly. Getting on board includes asking tough, challenging questions to maximize our chance of success.

Diversity in all its forms is a prized strength. We are at our best when we are ourselves, provided that we all behave according to RBB standards.

We Make Harmony Happen:

Conflicts naturally arise due to the pressures of the work environment and the multiple objectives we must achieve. We resolve our conflicts with respect, face-to-face, and in private. We do not wait for the other person to approach us first.

We Commend Our Co-workers:

Our process is perfectly designed to give us the results we are getting. When mistakes happen, we investigate the cause and improve our process to prevent recurrence. We assume our coworkers’ best intentions.

We Have Fun :

We enjoy our time at work by looking for the humor in our midst. While doing so we avoid sarcastic and otherwise potentially offensive remarks.

Some believe that we are being too prescriptive and that anyone worth keeping behaves this way already. But by defining these common behaviors in terms of what they look like, there is one shared understanding. Are we perfect? Well, no: but that’s why we need the standard!

If your company’s culture has reached a plateau, this exercise may well be worth your time. You might be amazed at the new heights of awareness and mutual accountability that such standards promote!

For more information, contact David Friedman here .

Images Sources: RBB Systems, HighPerformingCulture.com

5 Email Clues: You May Have a Trust Problem

Tue, 02 Dec 2014 12:07:00 GMT

We can make some straightforward observations about trust as we witness the email flowing through our Inboxes. Coworkers who trust each other use email as an extension of their healthy relationship; those who don’t will often use it as a way to protect themselves.

Often we just get a gut feeling that something is amiss; now let’s identify some specific signals that folks send through email, often subconsciously. Whether you write, receive, or are copied on it, watch for these five signs that may indicate underlying relationship, political, and/or trust issues between colleagues.

Note: for the discussion below, I’m not referring to emails intended for wide or unfamiliar audiences where the sender’s professionalism may be reflected. I’m specifically mentioning those emails between coworkers in the same work group and/or regular daily cross-team interactions.

Back-and-Forth Chains
When the chain of internal emails goes beyond three links, it’s a good indication that people are avoiding actual conversation with each other. (Emails with specifics such as numbers or client information are the exception here.) Rather than pick up the phone or drop by the other’s desk, we pretend we are discussing a solution… when in reality we are wasting valuable time.

Trusting peers rarely do this. At the first sign of a real disagreement, one of them will do something that puts their face in front of the other person – like make a beeline to the other so they can talk it out. This is much more constructive, yields a better result, builds the relationship, and conveys how important the issue is.

Overly Formal Language
When an email reads like a legal brief instead of constructive helpful dialog between teammates, there is often a significant trust problem. If our choice of language has to be so perfect that we risk upsetting a fellow employee, we will likely fail anyway. Why? Because we all recognize a well-packaged email when we see one. They tick.

Informal, conversational, and even rushed words indicate that people are at ease with each other. Ideally, internal company emails should be simple and relaxed, reflecting an easy rapport.

Carbon-Copying (cc:) the Bosses
When colleagues carbon-copy (cc:) the boss, it is often a cry for help. There are two reasons why this behavior sends mistrust signals:

We may tell ourselves that we are merely copying the supervisor(s) as a courtesy, but we must not forget that they will likely stop doing real work to read our email… so they are already pressed for time. Once we pull the supervisor into the conversation, the chance to build trust with our peer has slipped away.

Blind-Copying (bcc:) Anyone

Yuk. This email behavior is almost always toxic. Mutually trusting parties rarely have reason to do this. When I am blind-copied on an internal email, I draw the following conclusions, whether they are appropriate or not. As a leader, the impact of these get multiplied.

Look for the clues above in the emails you encounter. You may be surprised to discover relationship troubles in places you didn’t expect.

Finally, when you are tempted to resort to the above behaviors, ask yourself why. It may be time to begin building or restoring trust with that person right away so that future emails can be faster, more honest, and more productive. If you or your organization need practical help in doing so, that’s what Building Trust, LLC is all about.

Image sources: Google Images

4 More Costs of Mistrust

Sat, 22 Nov 2014 00:46:00 GMT

In Part 3, we wrap up our blog series on the High Costs of Mistrust. We may not see the connection between mistrust and these business costs but it’s probably there, to some degree. Most of the Building Trust blog is devoted to practical tips that help prevent these issue in the first place.

Part 2

Part 3 Loss of Customers

Anyone in your organization who is customer-facing must be filled with trust and security, otherwise their lack of confidence (or accumulated bile) will spill into the customer relationship. Buyers have a knack for picking up on these things. If employees don’t have faith in their organizations, it’s like insect repellent: often cleverly masked yet undeniably deadly. Non customer-facing workers who are packed with mistrust are just as toxic to customers but a bit harder to identify. They hide behind ‘reasonable’ arguments since fear prevents them from making waves covertly. Rarely does a Building Trust workshop go by without someone sharing a horror story: “Last week out on the line at least one person, maybe more, let a questionable batch of product go through. After the customer rejected the shipment, everyone here agreed it never should have left the factory. Yet when pressed, no one believed they shared in the responsibility. I drew the inescapable conclusion that it is every-person-for-themselves out there.” This is the definition of mistrust, and guess who paid for it?

Absenteeism/Health Costs

Employee Turnover

A cousin to health problems is turnover. Our best people refuse to endure toxic environments and take off for greener pastures. Leaders are often reminded that no one is irreplaceable and this is certainly true. But to recruit and develop a high-achiever only to lose her because of the untrusting atmosphere at work borders on the tragic. Yes, organizations overcome these losses, but at what long term cost to the accomplishment of their mission?

Lawsuits

We know this but we tell ourselves to pick our battles; we let another day pass without facing the issue or person… and then one day we stare, mystified, at our former coworker, business partner or loved one and let our representative do our talking for us. It usually doesn’t happen overnight; the wall between people gets built one small brick at a time.

If your organization is currently paying one or more of the above 10 costs of mistrust, you’re not alone. The good news is that much can be done to build or restore trust in any group. For down-to-earth ideas and techniques, browse the topics here or contact Bruce directly.

Be Credible and Get Promoted Without Losing Your Integrity

Fri, 10 Oct 2014 03:30:00 GMT

Last month I was invited to speak to about 75 Young Professionals from the local community on this topic. It was my pleasure to share some practical ideas to a room full of enthusiastic achievers!

It was a jam-packed session, full of energy and ideas. Here are some key takeaways and notable quotes from my talk. Take what you like and ignore the rest.

What we talked about above is not theory. With attentive practice you may get yourself a lot more than just that promotion. Good luck with your career!

Missed the YP event last month? Or in need of a refresher? Check out Part 1 of the “ Be Credible and Get Promoted Without Losing Your Integrity ” video series on YouTube.

ODS, LLC is Now Building Trust, LLC

Fri, 03 Oct 2014 11:58:00 GMT

Branch 1: The Building Trust Experience

This is the 2-day highly-intensive and memorable workshop known as Building Trust through Improved Interpersonal Communication . People may choose to attend a public session (scheduled throughout the year) or arrange a private workshop for their organization. By capitalizing on their natural style, students practice with real-world examples to overcome common trust barriers that arise in the workplace.

Branch 2: Team Coaching and Development

Branch 3: Custom Speaking Engagements

The third aspect of the Building Trust business is for organizations who are looking for a lively, quick-witted, good-looking and imminently humble speaker. If you have a venue and a topic in mind, Bruce may be the presenter you are looking for.

Pardon Our Dust

Over the next few weeks the website www.brucehendrick.com will be getting a complete makeover to reflect the new branding. Please add my new email address bruce@brucehendrick.com to your address book. I am excited to welcome you to the new Building Trust, LLC! If I can help in any way, please let me know.

3 More Costs of Mistrust

Tue, 09 Sep 2014 18:04:00 GMT

Busy professionals challenge me about why they should spend their limited time in my Building Trust Workshops. It’s a fair question. In Part One of this blog series , we explored three expensive costs of mistrust. Now we are going to tackle three more troublesome consequences of mistrust and unresolved conflict.

Part One

Part Two

Future Blogs

Poor Customer Service

Every organization exists to serve its customers. Legions of books and articles are written on this topic, yet few insert the issue of trust into the conversation. My take is this: truly exceptional customer service lives at the edge of official policy. And only when trust is felt on a personal level do those who take care of customers step out on this limb.

Someone at your company is faced with an opportunity to make a customer happy. Their first thought often determines the level of service they will deliver – and it’s a direct reflection of your environment’s level of trust.

If they think, “Where can I hide?” then they don’t trust much of anything. Instead, if their first thought is, “I’d like to help but our policy is in the way” then they primarily trust the structures and policies. But if they go to, “I can decide to make this person’s day!” then they likely trust themselves, others, and the firm.

In this way, customers can feel the level of trust that exists at your place of business.

Compare this with your favorite fine dining establishment. These servers are much more likely to create a personal experience, real rapport, and individual accommodation. In short, they create a truly memorable encounter. They have the freedom to go off-script whenever they gauge it appropriate and are rewarded, not penalized, when doing so. In a very tangible way, more trust translates into better customer service – and more revenue.

Suffering Relationships

Abraham Maslow, in his familiar hierarchy of needs, describes the search for meaningful relationships as being central to our well-being as people. Whether individuals are highly social or only marginally so, our need to belong is intense. One of the hallmarks of the absence of trust is that it creates in us a pervasive sense of isolation.

Okay, but what then? Isolation often reaches into areas of life that are well beyond the individual or group that caused the initial perceived injury. It can lead to depression, lack of confidence, short-temperedness and a withdrawal from any sort of risk.

I remember vividly a situation where I was fired, although I believed I had been doing a good job. Evidently the company felt otherwise. As my job search encountered difficulty, I began to take the betrayal I felt at my last job and cast it upon others. I felt rudderless and alone for the six months it took me to find my next assignment. By then I had become moody and defensive with those around me – those that had nothing to do with my struggles at the time.

Where trust fails at work we see the same effects. Historically cheerful people show signs of strain and irritability. Their isolation exacerbates other fears and uncertainties; they tend to make mountains out of molehills. We may even counsel them on their unwelcome behavior, but the root cause – the lack of trust with a person or the company – often goes undiagnosed. Unless the core issue gets addressed, the person will either a) continue to resemble “Pig-Pen” from the comic strip Peanuts (buried in a persistent dirt cloud) until they are dismissed, or b) fake it and attempt another beach ball . Either way the price in damaged relationships is extreme.

Poor Decisions

A perfectly good process improvement game plan goes awry. The besieged manager is hit with that eminently late and now useless comment, “I could’ve told you it would never work.” This is the epitome of a foxhole environment caused by a lack of mutual trust: people withhold their vital information. Had the employee expressed her misgivings earlier, perhaps the project could have succeeded. That’s one.

Here’s two: decision makers who trust their colleagues and advisors feel safe. This safety allows them to relax, think things through, and make composed decisions. People who don’t trust – or have the trust of – those around them often make their decisions under significant pressure. The monkey is on their own back so they share less, ask fewer questions of their teammates, tend to dismiss valuable insights as nay-saying, and take more solo chances. Eventually their luck runs out and they are held accountable for a high risk decision that went south. Do they blame themselves? Sometimes. But the damage from a poor decision is already done.

The issues discussed in this series often hide in plain sight: only when we look do we find them. Often the core issue of mistrust is not considered… so we treat the symptoms via performance reviews, disciplinary actions, and customer complaints. By learning to build trust up, down and sideways we can make a lot of these other costs disappear!

Taking a Flier

Tue, 12 Aug 2014 21:01:00 GMT

Taking a Flier

Regular ODS readers know that we explore the fundamentals of building personal trusting relationships and at the organization level. Here’s a quick story of what can happen when trust gets ingrained in a company’s psyche. The original story was posted in the RBB blog .

Probing the Soil

I returned the call and a Mom answered. Soon I was talking to a 13 year-old boy named Stan in Iowa. I apologized for RBB’s lack of initial interest and encouraged him to tell me his idea. Surprised but heartened, Stan spoke of a simple pen-sized gadget that people could insert into the soil of their houseplants. A small LED would alert the person that their plant’s soil had dried out enough to require watering. Like you, I immediately saw the utility of the concept!

Sparking an Interest

I could tell from our conversation that the project might take a while and there was no guarantee of success. And when asked how much money he could spend on the effort, Stan said proudly that he had saved sixty dollars, so there was that.

But something in this kid Stan cheered me. Maybe it was his idea, his fresh entrepreneurial spirit (how many 8 ^th graders make such a call?), or his polite Midwestern manner. If I could remotely mentor him a bit, I would enjoy seeing him succeed. Or, through failure, grow. Greatness is fostered in such ways.

I ended that first conversation with a homework assignment for Stan to email me everything he could envision about his idea. While the RBB technical team was busy refining Stan’s concept into a workable prototype, I challenged his thinking about his target market, price, and competitive positioning. These issues are what differentiate a successful launch from merely a good idea. Stan busily set about learning and defining how to proceed. By the time he got his prototype in the mail, he was thinking like a business owner – and I thoroughly enjoyed watching his transformation.

In His Own Words

Click here for a video of Stan describing his experience.
Postscript
With positive role modeling and frequent reinforcement, trust can become a way of life. Natural instincts of paranoia and self-centeredness are replaced by faith in others and the future. I wanted to share this story with ODS readers for several reasons.

First, c’mon, you gotta love Stan… and under ‘normal’ business we would not have even met him. Who else might be out there for you and I to encourage?

Second, sometimes all it takes is one spark – and you certainly don’t need to be the CEO to trigger it. Upbeat feelings have spread throughout the company; we’re all rooting for Stan now, and likely you are too. If you are still waiting for permission to take that trusting flier, how come? Only you can grant it.Third – yes, I trust my employees… but that does not preclude me from intervening occasionally. True trust in business is never the blind kind!Finally, the Stan story reminds us that what we teach here are not theories. Trust matters in the real world, with real people – in their lives, businesses and dreams.
Add your organization to the list of upcoming ODS engagements:

Bruce loves to help people overcome challenges, particularly in leadership, interpersonal relationships and trust. He’s a noted speaker, author, active church member and community volunteer. Bruce’s day job has been to lead RBB since 2001, becoming Owner in 2007.

Bruce is blessed to share his life with his wife Donna and their three wonderful children: daughters Kelly and Kara, and son Kirk. As time permits he enjoys golf, writing and learning how to live in the country.

The High Costs of Mistrust

Wed, 23 Jul 2014 20:13:00 GMT

Building Trust Workshops

In this new blog series, let’s tackle these sources of continuing cost and trouble one at a time.

Stress

Mistrust in the workplace causes us to act in ways that protect ourselves, many of them unconscious. We don’t feel safe, either because we fear how the other person will react to things or how we might do so. As with any danger, natural instincts compel us to avoid the situation or person. We avoid dark alleys for a reason.

When the danger is another person, the effect is compounded. Our mistrust of them often colors our experience. Even otherwise benign behaviors on their part can be interpreted harshly, as we ascribe questionable motives to them. We convince ourselves with more ‘evidence’ of the rightness of our caution, and the strain between us grows.

Finally, since we ourselves feel pressure to be a team player at the workplace, we often do our best to hide these feelings and misgivings. A mask of diplomacy settles on our face to cover the turmoil within.

It’s like a child trying to keep a beach ball under water; as waves come ashore, he fights to keep it submerged. The child quickly tires of the game, but we adults often feel trapped to repeat our charade of normalcy on a daily basis. The result is perpetual stress – and all the consequences that come with it.

Wasted Time

When we work with people we trust, things go swiftly and smoothly. Not that every day is free from trouble, of course, but when trouble does arrive the trusting parties can dispense with formalities, jump in and solve the problem in a united way. In so doing, both people share in the victory and reinforce mutual trustworthiness along the way.

When trust is absent, the opposite holds true. Instead of rallying together, team members begin a dance like wrestlers circling a mat. They tend to pull in supervisors and managers to resolve the issue, often slowing down the process significantly as their bosses come up to speed. Plus, once department heads get involved, the issue can migrate away from its core, becoming politicized. The opportunity to develop trust at the base level vaporizes.

Trust allows freedom to act without looking over one’s shoulder. People are able to act quickly, independently, and with confidence that others have their backs. Mistrust gunks up the works.

Reduced Productivity

In addition to the points made above, we must face another major trust-based outcome: motivation. Aside from purely altruistic intentions, we are the most motivated when what we do has direct influence over own future well-being. When I truly believe that the team I’m on is invested in my personal success then I am motivated to help them win.

As any parent of a teenager knows, motivation to accomplish an objective (for example, cleaning a bedroom) is a prime determinant of the speed and discipline at which the task is accomplished. But we need not look to our kids for proof of this. Witness our waistlines, retirement balances, or to-do-someday lists.

When it comes to the workplace, the absence of trust can erode the motivation of even the most gung-ho of us. Why work hard to achieve the goals of an organization we don’t fully trust? Why go the extra mile and help out a struggling coworker? For that matter, if we get paid independently of our effort, we may suppose the minimum allowable is a reasonable target.

Plus, when we’re our consuming energy keeping our beach balls submerged, there is often little left for high productivity.

We need to ask ourselves a tough question at this point. Why are we willing to pay these costs (and the others that follow in this series)? Is our conflict avoidance worth it?

Looking for skills you can use right now to improve relationships, both business and personal? Or how to use powerful and practical tools to improve trust with others? If so, sign up for the next Building Trust workshop on August 6th and 7th –only a few seats left!

5 Business Lessons from a Mission Trip

Wed, 02 Jul 2014 16:50:00 GMT

church

RBB Blog

here

Is Your Ego Tied to Your Role?

Mon, 16 Jun 2014 14:45:00 GMT

Never let your ego get so close to your position that when your position goes, and it will, that your ego goes with it.

Officially we have more authority, responsibility, and influence than we did before, and maybe even a nice wage increase. Unofficially however, on the inside, we are still the same imperfect person. The promotion didn’t magically transform us… and the sooner we accept this the better.

Like it or not, business and society equate progress “up the ladder” with value – or more to the point: worth. Without waxing too philosophical here, my own experience reveals the opposite; the higher we go on the organization chart, the more our flaws tend to annoy others, blind us to learning opportunities, and add risk to our companies. I share this as a friendly warning, not an indictment. The moment we believe that our worth to the company stems from our position, we start our slide into an impact-limiting trap.

Us vs. Our Role

But in our workplaces, we wear our job titles all week/month/year long; we can indeed forget that we are just people playing a part. We see ourselves as the pastor, supervisor, senior technician, or station chief, instead of Todd, Micki, Terri, or Dennis. We let these lines blur and our egos get subtly if unconsciously stroked. Over time we become so attached to the role we play that we actually think it’s who we are. Threats to our role become threats to ourselves. New, unhelpful behaviors appear –caricatures of what those in our role “should” be like, instead of what comes natural.

I’m Not the President

A healthier mind set is to remain grounded in the reality that each of us is a unique combination of personality, talents, skills, and abilities who happens to be paid to do a specific job today. I’m not the head nurse; I’m Jane, whose job for the day is to lead nurses . I’m not the president; I’m Bruce, whose job for the day is to preside . This thought pattern helps us bring all of our individuality to every workday.

Take fatherhood, for instance. Ask any kid – the best dads are the ones who are themselves first. And last. Yes, they fill the role of parent but it is secondary to the personal, intimate, open and natural relationship with the man himself. Which is why some step-dads, granddads, and coaches can and do fill the “role” of father just fine, thank you.

Organic Organizations

To survive, institutions must regularly adjust to today’s hyper-competitive landscape. That usually means frequent re-shuffling of duties. Some companies make it easier on themselves by assigning the same “Associate” job title to everyone, although I’m not a fan of the approach.

I think the better answer is what we did as kids for a pick-up baseball game – we grabbed our mitts and headed out to the open positions, and each day it might be different. We could do this because we saw ourselves as talented ball players first, not as the pitcher or shortstop. Some Saturdays I got to pitch, some I stood around in right field. But that was fine by me. My ego had nothing to do with it.

So it bears repeating: Never let your ego get so close to your position that when your position goes, and it will, that your ego goes with it. Think of yourself as the unique and talented player that you are, grab your mitt, and get back in the game.

Bruce loves to help people overcome challenges, particularly in leadership, interpersonal relationships and trust. He’s a noted speaker, author, active church member and community volunteer. Bruce’s day job has been to lead RBB since 2001, becoming Owner in 2007.

Honor and Respect the Past But Don’t Live in It

Thu, 01 May 2014 15:44:00 GMT

“I will honor and respect the past, but I will not live in it.”

I made this vow to my bride Donna on March 13th, 1992. Even better, she made it to me a few moments later. As the second and one-way-or-another final marriage for both of us, we acknowledged the baggage and unfinished business we carried from the old days into these new ones. Intentions to start fresh were not enough; we needed to make a serious commitment to which we could hold ourselves accountable.

22 years later: so far, so good.

Long Shadows

The more time I spend managing others, the more I find myself returning to this vow. It seems that no matter which organization I’m involved in, the sins and virtues of the past hold unseen yet powerful influence over the present. We consider the future constantly, but the long shadows of the past seem to occupy a ton of our time and attention. See if these sound familiar:

Did you catch it, the one thing these have in common? It’s the pervasive sense of defeat.

Fresh Starts

It’s no accident that startup businesses get described with words like gutsy, nimble, bold, responsive, and energetic. I believe the absence of a past history enables the players to tackle their challenges without loyalty or prejudice. Years ago I had the chance to build a new division of a ceramic tile company from scratch. It was a heady and productive time as we rapidly figured out how to make fields of tile in any shape and color a designer could imagine. Nobody was around to tell us it couldn’t be done, so we did it.

Maple Leaf Inspired Tile Floor and Hot Air Balloons Tile Wall

Best of Both Worlds

Ah, but most startups fail – and my tile division was (sort of) one of them. This happens for various reasons, not least is the lack of a firm foundation. This platform, perhaps a bit too firm, is what most of us in established organizations must both overcome and leverage.

Some of your employees and managers may live in the past… but their families need their paychecks right now. Suppliers and bankers need to be paid in the real world. No doubt your customers are relying on you to stay grounded in today, if not tomorrow. Your mission and stakeholders compel you forward.

If you tire of shadow-boxing with the past, introduce this language into your organization: “Let’s agree to honor and respect the past, but not to live in it.” It’s simple and powerful.

There are countless resources out there on how to successfully manage through change. But we will go nowhere until and unless the past is respected, thanked, and told to keep quiet.

Sustained Change

The same lesson holds true in organizational health. Leaders often fail when they think that major decisions are enough, yet neglect the daily care and feeding of relationships.

Give the past its due but don’t live there. Decide each day to live in the present and build a stronger future. In no time, you’ll be celebrating 22 years of victory.

7 Options to Respond to Conflict (and 4 of Them Resolve Little)

Mon, 14 Apr 2014 21:03:00 GMT

If you live, work, play, or worship with other people, conflict is bound to find you. The real question becomes how you choose to respond to it. And a choice it always is, even if an unconscious one. While ODS training teaches many skills and techniques for working through tough issues, I’ll be the first to admit that we need to pick our battles. Let’s explore each option in turn.

1. Pretend the Conflict Doesn’t Exist.

2. Accept it and Do Nothing.

Accepting reality is healthier than denial, but choosing to do nothing can still carry a high price. Often, while we do nothing, we ruminate over the unfairness of the unaddressed conflict. The other person can come to be a victim or a villain in our eyes. Sure, some issues resolve themselves without our personal help. But sometimes the dog we choose to let sleep curls up heavily on our chest. If that’s the case, we need to look at more options.

3. Complain to the Wrong Person .

Finally, motion! We take a step to get the conflict out in the open… but we avoid the person with whom we are struggling. We choose a safer, trusted confidant to vent our thoughts freely. When we finally acknowledge the intensity of our feelings, we are often surprised by them; this beach ball had been down there a while. Unfortunately, our friend can’t solve the problem. Plus, they may wonder what we are saying about them when they’re not around. So this was pretty futile.

4. Make a Power-Play

5. Work Together on a Compromise.

Both parties actively discuss the conflict, which is, naturally, a requirement to actually resolving it with mutual agreement. The key here is that a solution is found somewhere “in the middle” of the two established positions. This response is miles ahead of the 4 above, but if there’s a flaw it’s that both parties leave the discussion somewhat disappointed. It’s more negotiation or diplomacy than true teamwork. Still, a handshake and a true resolution are established.

6. Resolve with Both Parties Satisfied.

Here, win/lose thinking has no place. The discussion takes a little longer as both people must be able to speak their minds and still walk away pleased with the outcome. Mutual active listening must take place, accompanied by a willingness to be influenced by the other person. Unlike compromise where a certain amount of conflict avoidance is still hanging around, choosing this option makes both parties roll up their sleeves to find some common ground and perspective. This is where trust is built.

7. Use the Opportunity to Advance the Team.

This is the pinnacle of conflict resolution and it does not happen without serious commitment and skill. The hallmark of this option is that both parties abandon their personal positions in favor of finding a new, more powerful course of action that neither would have thought of on their own. Conflict is seen not as a problem but as a chance to show how committed the parties are to each other and to their shared success. Stress fades quickly in the pursuit of greater objectives than our private interests. Plus, it’s a blast.

ODS training programs equip participants with the framework and skills to choose options 6 and 7 regularly and with confidence. The needed behaviors are both practical and fun. Best of all, we learn how to release those beach balls we are busily hiding today.

ODS is filling our next Building Trust through Improved Interpersonal Communications workshop, currently scheduled for May 8-9 in Wooster, Ohio. Email here to grab your seat!

New Pain vs. Old Pain

Thu, 13 Mar 2014 18:09:00 GMT

You’ve heard the proverb: Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional . As concepts go, we get this right away. In our human condition, pain is a part of life. The point is whether or not we choose to suffer in response to it, as if it were merely that easy. Experience speaks otherwise.

When it comes to our professional lives, I’d like to offer an important distinction: “new pain” vs. “old pain.” New pain is temporary trouble or discomfort associated with trying new things, solving fresh problems, or reaching new heights. Old pain is chronic and toxic – it comes from re-hashing intractable issues repeatedly, revisiting stubborn problems, or tolerating poor habits or performance. In my experience, suffering only accompanies old pain, not so with new pain. And since pain is indeed inevitable, a great way to reduce suffering is by arranging our lives to target new rather than old pain, to the extent possible.

Some illustrations:

You get the idea. Not one of the items in the New Pain list is risk free, but they all move beyond acceptance of, and suffering with, the old pain.

Reducing Our Tolerance for Old Pain

As with any good discipline, we must acknowledge the problem before we can fix it. Thankfully we have a built-in warning system; something already hurts. None of us is immune to this problem since some battles just can’t be won. But we can admit the damage (and suffering) the old pain is causing. Once we do, we can consider new approaches.

Jeff Foxworthy Style

If the meetings you attend devote more than 20% of the available time to old business, you may be suffering with old pain.

If it hurts and you don’t feel like you are really stretching or growing, you may be suffering with old pain.

If you spend valuable energy hoping that you-know-who does not contact you…

If you try to convince yourself that “this too shall pass,” but in fact know better…

It Might As Well Be New Pain

Since we are going to have discomfort, it might as well be new pain. At least then our soreness will be an investment in the future instead of a reliving of the harmful past. The best way I have found to help is to work backwards; I ask myself, “What am I suffering with right now?” It then becomes easy to identify whether the cause of my suffering is from a chronic problem (old pain) or from something that is propelling me forward (new pain).

Just to be clear, I don’t advocate that stubborn problems be abandoned – my wicked slice, for example. I am saying that suffering and old pain are found together, and it is likely that the way we are addressing them needs a fresher approach.

New Pain At Building Trust

Speaking of new pain, or at least new opportunity, Building Trust, LLC has created a LinkedIn Group called Trustbuilders Network specifically for followers of Building Trust and attendees of the Building Trust workshop or other programs. This Group provides an open dialog to explore in more detail anything we’ve covered in the workshops , blog posts , and Building Trust speaking engagements.

The Trustbuilders Network will stay focused on down-to-earth and practical communications, leadership and management topics. Please join us by clicking here to enroll in the new group!

So What Are We Supposed To Talk About?

Fri, 31 Jan 2014 15:59:00 GMT

Hello! Big apologies for the gap in this Building Trust Blog. Following one’s own advice carries consequences. Back in November I made a post in which I advised leaders to ask for help. Well that wasn’t theoretical; I’ve been busy justifying, identifying, hiring, and on-boarding a new General Manager for the RBB business. This gives both Building Trust and RBB new opportunities and fresh energy!

Simple One-to-One Prep Form

There are countless resources that describe effective interpersonal communications at work. Many refer to the concept of One-to-One conversations between co-workers, which are often but not always held between a supervisor and her subordinate.

In the Building Trust workshop, we invest considerable time developing the skills and techniques needed to create an open, constructive, 2-way dialog. We practice these skills in powerful and memorable 1-1 role-play scenarios.

Once the fundamentals of solid communications are in place, the next question is usually: “Great, but on a regular basis, what are we supposed to talk about?” That’s what the above one-page form is all about. It assumes that 1-1 meetings are held on some regular interval, whatever that might be.

Notice first that this is a one page form. Trial and error has taught me that anything longer than this tries to handle too many things in one session; anything shorter allows one or both parties to avoid or dance around critical items that probably need to be dealt with.

This preparation form is best completed by the subordinate before the meeting. It thereby promotes shared responsibility for outcomes and encourages the leader/supervisor to learn what the other person considers to be important. The preparer brings two copies to each meeting. Let’s discuss each section briefly.

The Most Important Thing(s) To Discuss In This One-to-One Is

Recent Accomplishments

Not Getting Done

Key Issues Facing Me

Opportunities Now Possible

Prioritize The Above

Action Items From This One-to-One

As with any tool, I encourage the ODS reader to modify this planner to suit your specific needs. My only strong recommendation is to keep it one page in length.

As you employ this planner in your organization, please share your experiences with the rest of us. Thanks!

Download the One-to-One Meeting Planner in the Free Tools section of the Building Trust website.

What’s Happening With ODS?

Wed, 06 Nov 2013 11:08:00 GMT

It’s been a busy couple of weeks!

Building Trust Workshop

On October 24th and 25th, the flagship “Building Trust” workshop was held at the D+S Distribution Training Facility in Wooster. With 11 attendees ranging from the manufacturing, HR, accounting, marketing, finance and administration fields, it made for an interesting and exciting workshop. Companies participating included: Meaden & Moore , Glenmoor Country Club , CNC Global Body & Equipment , RBB Systems , D+S Distribution , SyncShow Interactive and NAMI of Wayne and Holmes Counties.

Most inspirational/favorite part of the day:

A role play where someone was able to hold their boss accountable in a very challenging situation!

Find out more about this course here .

Customized Workshops

Last Thursday, ODS traveled to work with the Glenmoor Country Club ‘s department heads at their annual professional development retreat in Canton, Ohio. This customized workshop was held in the living room of one of the department heads and had 16 people in attendance. This workshop focused on preparing the group to be collaborative, energetic and innovative in their afternoon session.

Favorite part of the day:

Hearing the group share with each other on “what I admire about you.”

Find out more about customized training here .

Want to get involved in the fun? Contact ODS today to set up a time to talk about our customized workshop options.

Just Go Away Part 2

Thu, 10 Oct 2013 14:11:00 GMT

My last post introduced the “off season” concept, where I made a case that anyone who gets paid for what they do (aka a “professional”) needs to occasionally go away and work on their work. In this post I share my own proven formula for making the most of this time away. I swear by the concept and what it has done for me personally, my businesses, and my family. Treat these ideas as guidelines only; you will find what works best when you get out there on your own.

The Objective

Don’t ruin your time away by using the peace and quiet to tackle your eternal to-do list(s). You would certainly check many items off your list, but you would get there eventually anyway. Instead, treat the off season as special, sacred time. This is not the time to be productive in the normal sense. It is time for getting perspective on your job, its direction, your relationship with it, and the people in it.

In my experience the best off seasons have one or two primary goals from among a few core issues.

To find answers to these deeply meaningful questions, one often needs some distance in time and space to sort them out:

If you’re anything like me, the answers to critically important questions can be elusive in the daily busyness of the business. It often takes considerable time for the mind and spirit to freely express themselves – and they don’t always agree! An off season may be the only time that you have the room to explore these matters fully. What a gift!

The Timeframe

Each time I go away I discover new truths, unlock new sources of insight, and open new avenues of action that I had simply not faced or seen back in the real world. Add time to future off seasons as you can, provided that you are fruitful and focused on work. My off seasons are now six days each, in March and September. By the end I am always exhausted, satisfied and excited to get back to “work.”

The Setting

I suggest a simple, natural setting whenever possible. I’ve stayed in various places – from trailers to cabins. Having the ability to walk outdoors or sit by a campfire gives me a peace of mind to face the tough issues of the job and life. A beach, spa or golf resort is fine for a vacation, not an off season! Find the setting that feels like the most comfortable clothes you own.

A special comment on personal safety: if you are uncomfortable with the idea of spending significant time alone in a remote place, then honor yourself and don’t do it. Just don’t sacrifice your off season! Instead, either find a friend to conduct their own off season nearby (limit your interactions), or set up camp in a place with more people (but keep them away).

Since you are taking your job with you, it is vital to restrict the distractions to a bare minimum.

Technology: some people go off-the-grid entirely but every day that gets harder to accomplish on this planet. If you own a smartphone and there’s a signal – you’re already in trouble. I suggest making exactly one brief phone call each day to your spouse or significant other, and eliminating email altogether. Stay off the web unless you are researching an issue. No live TV or media feeds.

Things to leave at home: family members, pets, newspapers, alcohol.

Things to bring with you:

The Agenda

Early on, attack the box of neglected stuff from your desk. Sort it, pitch the less important stuff, and prioritize what’s left. Decide what few things can only be handled when you are free from distraction: handle them, in the order of their importance, not their urgency.

Write your one or two big questions/objectives (see above) on a sticky note. Keep this in front of you the whole time so that your mind is brought back to it often. When the Eureka! moments come, record your thoughts… but don’t force any solutions. Just let it come.

To keep organized as you go along, I suggest keeping three running To-Do Lists, one each for:

In search of a helpful tool to help you prioritize while on your off season? Check out the ODS Personal Priorities Sorting Tool to help give you the confidence you need not only to set personal priorities, but then to use them to set time boundaries and constructive goals.

Just Go Away

Thu, 26 Sep 2013 17:15:00 GMT

An alarm may go off in your head as you read this post. If that happens, you can calmly hit the snooze button. Trust that the warning will come back in due time, but you’ll buy yourself nine minutes to consider something interesting. If you can’t control that alarm, move on now. Go on, get up already.

Since you’re still reading, I’ll take my chances and share with you a hard-earned and extremely valuable truth. Nine minutes is all I need. Just don’t forget your part of the bargain.

Go away. Leave. Get away from your family, your dogs, your church, and your other responsibilities. Not permanently, of course. Go away and take just you and your job with you.

I first encountered this idea many years ago at a Vistage meeting, listening to a rather imposing ex-professional basketball player named Walter Bond . Bond’s speech was about what he called “The Off Season.” He suggested that anyone who called themselves a professional should go away and spend time working on their work. Why? To get better. Like a basketball player uses the time between the regular seasons to work on the fundamentals of the game (conditioning, free throws, dribbling exercises, etc.), any professional’s “off season” should be part of their skill building routine. Plus, pros need some time to refresh their relationship to the job itself.

Well, I was being paid to be a professional, too. But when had I taken my own proverbial practice shots? During the game, that’s when. All my “practice” was when it really counted.

It Works

As we fast forward to today, several years and many off seasons later, I can attest to the wisdom of this discipline through personal experience. What began as a single Saturday afternoon, because that’s all the time I could carve out, has turned into a full week away at a time, each spring and fall. And like you, “busy” doesn’t even begin to describe my normal daily schedule… so for me (or you) to spend this much time, the payoff must be big.

The crux of the matter is to go away, leave all the distractions behind, and focus your mind solely on your job. Often these off seasons can be spiritual experiences where the answers to our most intractable problems emerge – but only when we are quiet and still enough to let them!

My recommendation is the simpler the setting the better. A claustrophobic, cramped hotel room is definitely out – too constricting. Bottom line: find the setting that feels like the most comfortable clothes you own. But always remember that this is to be work, not a holiday. Work hard on your off season so that when you’re back in the game, you’ll be ready.

Next time, in part 2 of this post, we will explore what to do “out there” when you actually go, what it means to take your job with you, and what refreshing your relationship with your job is all about.

Finally, if you’re anything like me, your inner alarm went off early in this post. It sounds good in theory but you don’t have the freedom, opportunity, funds, time, supportive spouse, convenient dog kennel, yada, yada, yada. I believe you. Just remember that tomorrow, at your job, its game day. Are you ready?

I Don’t Know…Can You Help Me?

Thu, 12 Sep 2013 20:23:00 GMT

It seems that the older we get, the more responsibility we have, or the more that others rely on us, the less apt we can be to admit our lack of understanding or need for skill-building. We don’t want to feel vulnerable. We hate to confess that what we are doing, no matter how well intentioned, just isn’t working.

Plus, many of us get paid for what we know. We’re just “supposed to know” certain things that come with the job, the territory, or the title… or so we tell ourselves. We buy into the lie that says I must prove myself worthy of that paycheck instead of the truth that no one person can know everything there is to know. So we keep stubbornly attempting unsuccessful approaches.

Oh how I wish this was not so familiar.

Why must we exhaust ourselves like this? Because of the great feeling we get from accomplishing things on our own? I’d guess not, since the emotion is so fleeting. Nope; it’s because asking for help is so hard. In the world of mental health and addiction, there is good reason that the final point of fatigue and surrender is often called “hitting bottom.”

Let’s see if we can raise that bottom so that we can feel better sooner, get the help we need, and build some trust with others along the way.

Say Uncle!

Human beings can take a lot. A lot of inconvenience, pain, suffering, struggle, and hardship. We are amazingly resilient folks. If coping with adverse conditions earned us medals, most of us would be Olympians.

As kids my brother Ron used to twist my arm behind my back until I yelled “uncle.” Pain increased so sharply I had no choice but to submit. It was, I remember, distinctly effective.

These days I just ask myself, “What do I need to say ‘uncle’ to right now?” In other words, what pain or struggle can I relieve immediately by admitting that something is bigger than me , at least for the moment? If I’m honest with myself usually an answer (or two) will come to me right away.

Then I say it out loud: “Uncle!” This helps me to find the courage, strength or wisdom to admit my frustrating struggles and begin to ask for help. With time and repetitive practice, it has even led to asking for the help before I accumulate the stress in the first place.

As an example I recently had to face an annoyingly stubborn performance issue in my RBB business. I felt I had done everything right to manage our way through it but one key number just never improved. Finally I closed the door, yelled Uncle! to myself, and admitted I did not know what to do next. I got on the phone with a couple of trusted advisors and before the day was out we had a fresh plan of attack. Simple… but so hard!

On the personal side, not being very handy, I asked for help in the insulation and drywall of my new barn office from my friends at church. We had a blast and the result was much better than I could have done on my own.

Pain Tolerance Reduction

Assuming that you are willing to concede your pain-endurance medal to others, the trick is to ask for help sooner by reducing your tolerance for pain. You can choose to alleviate discomfort and shift your “bottom” so it is not so far down!

Finally, by asking those around you for help you let your guard down and become more approachable. This opens up all kinds of opportunities to build mutual reliance and trust. It also sets a great example for others – so that maybe you can help raise the bottom for a lot of people along the way!

Need help letting your guard down? ODS can help teach the skills to improve relationships, both business and personal, while providing insight into interpersonal communication as a process that can be continually improved. Contact me today about finding out more.

Author’s Note: If childhood shenanigans and stories of that genre interest you, you might enjoy “Jimmy” – a brief chapter of my soon-to-be-published book, Recollections Of An Unlikely CEO .

The Bride Not the Veil

Tue, 30 Jul 2013 01:39:00 GMT

This week’s blog is originally from an RBB Systems blog post, focused on a topic that pervades many organizations – something that could be driving employee behavior more than we realize.

Look at the picture; what do we see? It’s the beautiful bride, of course. We note in passing that she’s wearing a veil but take little notice of it. It’s not something that would distract most of us. That’s how it should be, but what does this have to do with leadership ? Well, let’s look at two images found in organizations all over the world – the ubiquitous organization chart and the process flow diagram of the business.

The org chart conveys general responsibilities, job titles, who reports to whom, what the official “chain of command” is supposed to be, and related information. It is helpful for quickly communicating relative levels of influence, especially with people that are outside of the organization.

Process flow diagrams show the sequence of activities. The one shown here is the most basic, for illustration purposes. These are less common than org charts but every enterprise can make one readily. It’s what the people are actually doing each day to serve customers.

Here is RBB’s org chart. I’ll bet that yours looks similar.

Which One Is The Bride?

Okay, so now think about this: of the two drawings above, which one is the bride and which one is the veil?

This is not an obvious answer. Many people don’t see it, but a moment’s reflection reveals the answer: the business process is the bride! It’s what really matters! The health of the business depends on how things flow, whereas the org chart is simply the way we have divvied up our talents to accomplish these processes.

In your own business, how often has your process changed compared to your org chart? Think of it this way. The chain of command matters, yes, but only in the successful accomplishment of the mission. As often as necessary we reorganize ourselves to accomplish our mission; we never change our mission to accommodate our structure.

So What?

A reasonable question. This is what I tell the folks at RBB – “Take care of the bride! Keep her healthy. Never let the veil – the org chart – get in the way of a happy bride. Make things a little bit better for the bride every day.”

Unfortunately this is a lot easier said than done, mostly because we’ve picked up some bad habits at less functional places along the way. When folks get distracted by the veil they do things like:

Through The Veil

Employees at vibrant, growing organizations look through the veil and concentrate on the work at hand. They don’t worry much about who “should” do what, according to Hoyle. Get the job done right and quickly is their mantra. They sense the health of the bride (the daily business) and act, even if it means apologizing for overstepping their authority on occasion.

Just as important – managers and supervisors foster this environment. They have small egos and toes (it’s hard to step on them). Risks taken for the bride’s benefit are rewarded, not punished. They don’t take themselves too seriously.

In these healthy shops the org chart is seen as a communication tool, nothing more. They refuse to let it dictate their behavior.

At RBB we move heaven and earth to get our small batch customers what they need, when they need it. Our customers don’t care much about how we’re organized, do they?

I leave you with a final challenge. What are you or your people doing this week that serves the veil instead of the bride? And are you okay with that?

Contact Bruce today to learn about how your organization can obtain the skills, lessons and methods that get results with leaders and future leaders in your community. Check out these testimonials from past ODS attendees.

5 MORE Battles Worth Fighting for Change Agents (Part 2 of 2)

Thu, 11 Jul 2013 16:14:00 GMT

In Part 1 of this discussion we discussed 5 battles that self-described change agents are often counted on to fight on their organizations’ behalf. Those situations are:

Now let’s wrap this up with a brief description of 5 more of these opportunities to jump in the ring.

Since the strength of any team is determined by its poorest performing member, most top executives that I know rely on their change agents – and most of you know who you are – to constantly assess the general working environment and to take (or at least recommend) action when something is out of whack. Managers are responsible for steering the ship and running the business; change agents watch out for and help fight against common problems that arise when the organization gets off track.

In truly exceptional organizations, like Zingerman’s in Ann Arbor, MI, every member can be a change agent!

5 MORE Battles Worth Fighting (by Change Agents)

The company is depending on you to act when you see these things happen. Left unchecked, each of these situations can significantly erode performance. By no means is this a comprehensive list. If you know what to do, be constructive and do it. If you’re not sure, at least bring it to the attention of others who can address the matter.

6. When people are feeling overwhelmed. You know the look. That glazed, surrendered expression that says, “Please just leave me alone so I can do something productive and feel good about myself for a few minutes.” Pressure comes with every job but this is different. You sense that a growing, pervasive cry for help is not being voiced. So voice it! In my experience, this feeling of relentless pressure is often the result of changes in priority for the company that are not well communicated, understood, or frankly believed. When the growing stress is acknowledged, leaders can do much to soften the impact of change and to act as pressure-relief valves.

7. When “turf” seems to matter more often. The various departments usually run like a well-oiled machine, but now something is amiss. This can be an icky one because it often comes down to somebody’s ego. Maybe they feel discounted and are acting passive-aggressively. Or perhaps they’ve been promoted and they’re on a power trip. Possibly they’ve got trouble at home that is spilling over into work. Regardless of the reason, the results of inter-departmental conflicts are usually toxic and immediate, with customers suffering the most. Do your company a favor and make sure someone restores harmony as fast as possible. Otherwise the discord may infect everyone.

8. When apathy begins to take root. When people lose hope of getting what they want they can become apathetic. Most commonly it’s when people lose faith in themselves or their own plans, or when they feel powerless over their own condition. As a change agent you must be aware that apathy usually precedes depression. Leaving the mental health aspects aside, a great way to fight this battle is to help find ways to increase employee engagement. Encouraging fresh assignments with specific authority might just do the trick to re-energize a person or group.

9. When the credibility of leadership starts to slide. The credibility of any one leader reflects on the credibility of every leader. Lunchroom conversation often reveals this sort of thing. Folks begin to avoid, discount, or simply mistrust one or more key leaders. What happens next is predictable: employees often let that leader fail and hope that sooner or later the “higher-ups” will replace them. This approach, while common, is ineffective at best and cruel at worst. If you get the sense that certain leaders have lost the trust of others, find someone that you trust completely and then strategize together a game plan to confront the issue respectfully.

10. When permanent heroes and/or villains emerge. Every member of the team should have their time in the sun. This spreads the good will of the organization around, builds unity, and grows each member, too. Likewise, each person might have to be the “bad guy” from time to time. But too often a small percentage of people carry more than their share of the glory or the thankless/negative duties (a rampant dynamic in church life). Regardless of the cause, this issue almost always limits growth and success since the capacity of the organization is dramatically reduced. Of all of the 10 battles we’ve discussed here, this is often the most firmly entrenched. It’s also ripe for change as we get others more involved.

Effective change agents have unseen antennae that continually sense the environment for threats and opportunities to move the company over or around the obstacles of the day. Continue to watch out for these 10 conditions and your own antennae will develop nicely. Your team will thank you!

A Final Word Of Caution

The difference between an informer and a change agent is in the quality of the relationships that are built at every level in the organization. Informers look constantly over their shoulders. Change agents have built solid foundations of trust with others. If all you want to do is enlighten management to the problems in the organization, do yourself and the company a favor and find a new job elsewhere. Sorry… but nobody respects a tattletale.

Did you know ODS offers custom speaking engagements? Individuals set up a workshop or a series of personal sessions with topics focused on communication, leadership and trust. Contact Bruce about a summer discount available to your organization.

5 Battles Worth Fighting for Change Agents (Part 1 of 2)

Wed, 26 Jun 2013 14:25:00 GMT

Dear Warrior,

This excellent question is a growing challenge since most organizations face hyper competition and so seem hooked on instant answers and urgent innovation. Change agents, regardless of their formal authority, face enormous pressure to address everything that stands in the way of reaching the company’s goals. Or they often think they do.

I’d advise that we first clarify roles. Consider the tugboat as our agent of change. Tugboats help maneuver the much larger ship in tight quarters. It cannot succeed if it is at cross purposes with the captain and crew of the ship itself. The tugboat must pay close attention to certain fundamentals while the crew ultimately guides the ship.

So it is with organizations. As a CEO myself, I can confidently say that we count on the change agents within our company ( RBB ) to fight certain battles, while expecting management to run the business. Keep in mind that the unique culture and goals of each firm play a big part in this. Management steers. Change agents watch out for and fight against common problems that arise when the organization gets off track; they tug us to where we belong.

5 Battles Worth Fighting (by Change Agents)

The organization is counting on you to act when you see these things happen. Left unchecked, each of these situations can significantly erode otherwise remarkable progress. By no means is this a comprehensive list; to those in the org chart without formal authority it can, however, give license to speak up and do something. Be constructive and do your part to help “tug” the company back on course.

Warrior: When you are constructively facilitating the organization through the challenges I’ve outlined here, do so with confidence. You may be the best if not the only person to see the direct impact of these issues on your company’s performance. If not you, who? If not now, when? When the organization sees you fighting constructively and for all the right reasons, you will become the champion of change after all.

In Part 2 I will highlight 5 more areas where change agents like you need not fear to tread. How do you or your organization pick battles? Is there a situation out there that is deterring progress? Send me your questions and let’s continue this discussion!

Bruce counts himself blessed to share his life with his wife Donna and their three wonderful children: daughters Kelly and Kara, and son Kirk. As time permits Bruce enjoys golf, writing and learning how to live in the country.

Don’t “Polite” All Over Each Other

Thu, 06 Jun 2013 11:19:00 GMT

But I take heart; politeness appears to be thriving in our work and private life! Unlike the political arena which perpetually places opposing viewpoints against each other, most businesses alive in 2013 have been forced to eliminate their entrenched battles. There is little room for chronic inter-departmental dysfunction anymore. What gets one promoted these days are “team” behaviors on behalf of the entire organization.

However trust, and therefore real team performance, can suffer under a veneer of politeness. Yes, that’s what I’m saying: when it comes to effective interpersonal communication maybe we’ve become too polite for our own good.

ODS students and readers know that I’m a huge fan of manners and courtesy because trust requires personal caring and respect. But openness is equally important. I recently blogged about the icky place , defined as “that pivotal spot in any interpersonal communication that reveals vitally important and often uncomfortable emotion or information.” When people are willing to go to the icky place and constructively deal with the frequently sensitive core of an issue or conflict, then mutual trust is strengthened automatically, stress is relieved and bonds are forged.

Polite But Unhelpful Behavior

Taken too far, any one of these polite behaviors can keep an issue at arms-length that really should be resolved right now:

Be Polite But Get REAL

I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to work in cities and rural areas in the USA, Brazil, Chile, and Europe. Today I happen to live in north-central Ohio with both Amish and “English” neighbors. With a few notable exceptions almost everyone in my life has been polite. Not everyone is real.

We often settle for getting along, working together, or other versions of “good enough”. If we want more trust in our lives, the good and bad news is that it starts with us. We must become more transparent, more open, and therefore more vulnerable over time. But we get to be as civil and caring as we’ve always been. We simply must practice stepping out, which occurs by choosing to go to the icky place and working through the challenges together.

The alternative is straightforward. We go through life very nice and polite, evading people and/or issues. One day we may reach a point of no return and then surprise ourselves and those around us by ending our job, friendship or our marriage. As we know, not everyone is worthy of our trust. But unless we show up as our real selves, others don’t get a fair chance to earn it. We’ll talk more about how to do this in future blog posts.

So let’s have a little less politeness at home and at work so we can get down building more open, collaborative trust with each other. And while we’re at it, perhaps more of us regular folk can take our gifts of diplomacy and run for office – where it is sorely needed these days!

Finding Trust On the Other Side of the Icky Place

Thu, 23 May 2013 12:36:00 GMT

You know the “icky place”. It’s that pivotal spot in any interpersonal communication that reveals vitally important, and often uncomfortable, emotion or information. How the receiver responds to this revelation can make or break their mutual trust moving forward.

You’ve likely been on both sides of this one. You’ve led someone to move beyond the polite or approved explanations to spill their guts and reveal the core issue. You’ve probably also surprised yourself by feeling so secure that you disclosed more than you had expected. In both situations you could better deal with the heart of the matter – plus have a chance at a stronger bond with the other person.

In the Building Trust Workshop, we practice specific communication techniques that help us build working relationships where these conversations are commonplace. We share a set of highly accessible principles and guidelines that open people up in an authentic, constructive way. Then we work on keeping these one-to-one conversations impactful and constructive.

What if these kinds of interactions were a way of life? Would our time consist of non-stop intensity? By no means. When people get used to leveling with each other, stress commonly vaporizes. As individuals stop their posturing, we are much more likely to solve the real problems, face disagreements to find common ground, end unhealthy things before they become toxic, and in general reach their goals with more speed and solidarity.

Don’t Go There

But we don’t want to go to the icky place, no matter how helpful it may be. We pretend. We wear our best smile. We pray that God or erosion (time) will solve the problem. Issues fester; stresses accumulate; relationships plateau at best. The longer it goes on, the harder it becomes to get back to that relaxed, open, vulnerable condition that leads to breakthroughs and trust-building. We often settle for “getting along”, “working together”, or other versions of “good enough”.

And please, don’t let me kid you. I teach this stuff yet I am as likely as anyone to avoid unpleasantness. It’s just that over time I’ve learned to recognize my own patterns of avoidance; plus I’ve witnessed the priceless value of trust first-hand… so I (usually) summon the strength to approach the icky places.

Open Says Me

I often ask workshop attendees to differentiate between open and honest communication. Each is important but eventually we come to understand that honest means telling the truth, whereas open suggests knowing what’s really going on. Spouses know what I mean, as do parents of teenagers, and anyone who’s sensed their managers cherry-picking through the facts. Honest communication is the absence of lies. Open is the whole truth. Only one of these builds trust.

Each person in the relationship must decide for themselves how open they can afford to be. We are, after all, humans. Among other things this means that we will, by our nature, let each other down. In other words, no one (on earth) is 100% trust worthy . This makes sense. As sound waves need a medium like air or water to exist, without risk, trust cannot happen. Only by revealing ourselves do we give another person the opportunity to demonstrate their trustworthiness (or otherwise).

Since it’s impossible to teach folks how to feel safe in a conversation, I merely encourage students to be mindful of the decisions they are making. No question that many of us have been burned or even seriously harmed by other humans in our past. Yet this need not lead to overly self-protective behaviors. We make choices. To build trust, open yourself up and take one step further out on the limb. If that’s too far, take a half-step. If you just can’t do it, honor yourself; find another person you’re more comfortable with, and then take that step.

Colonel Jessup Was Wrong

But he’s wrong. We can handle it, 95% of the time. In future posts I’ll tackle various aspects of this challenge, and even address the other 5%. These methods are learnable, practical, and can make a big difference in how those around you experience your trustworthiness!

Images Source: Google Images

Trust Buys So Much!

Thu, 09 May 2013 14:27:00 GMT

[For Building Trust readers who may not be aware, my day job is serving a vibrant electronics business of 60 people called RBB Systems as president and CEO. This post is an example of what can happen when trust principles are lived on a daily basis. For more exciting adventures in the world of job shop excellence, explore the RBB blog which is written by RBB-ers of all stripes.]

Talent, class, commitment, and integrity. These leadership hallmarks are exemplified in Wendy Smith, RBB’s General Manager, who begins this month after 27 years of tireless effort, a new chapter in life.

We part as friends and she will be greatly missed. Yet this critical transition has been virtually transparent to customers and the business – and it’s a story worth sharing.

This quick tale began on September 6 ^th , 2012. That afternoon, at our regular monthly 1-to-1 communication session, Wendy shared with me that she would be leaving RBB. At first I was surprised and quite disappointed – she had been my most trusted leadership ally through the years of major business refocus. Countless people had made significant sacrifices as RBB pivoted rapidly in its marketplace, but it was primarily Wendy’s faith in a gutsy new vision and her strong in-the-trenches leadership that made it happen on the shop floor.

Part of me watched her leveling with me as she had always done; I decided right then that I would not let my natural disappointment interfere with her graceful exit from the company. She had earned that much, and a lot more. That’s when she dropped the other shoe: she had not yet secured her next job.

By design, RBB is a highly transparent company: we both knew that things would become public knowledge very soon. Before the meeting ended we agreed that we would inform each other of our progress and thinking. Beyond that; no promises.

As Wendy accelerated her job-hunting activities, we hired a high-energy leader to guide our manufacturing team, and asked Wendy to devote the time she had left to helping with our sales efforts. At a certain point we agreed on April 30 ^th as an end-date to our arrangement. She did an enthusiastic job up until her very last day. Wendy left after a completed race, with head high and amidst life-long friends; RBB’s shop is in good hands and the business is thriving.

Too Bad It’s So Rare

The voices of conventional wisdom do not support such departures:

But it doesn’t have to be this way. When genuine trust is built between two people, regardless of their roles at work or in life, powerful things can happen. In the thirteen years we worked together, Wendy and I strongly disagreed over many matters… and this has nothing to do with it! Agreement on its own rarely develops trust.

Trust is built when both people regularly:

The Trust Payoff

And the best part is that even through this parting, we’ve continued to demonstrate that we can still count on each other – and God only knows where this power may take us down the road. ��

Are those risk factors above real? Sure they are, for both sides of the equation. But conventional wisdom reigns because real, earned trust is so rare in business these days. Yet this is not theory. The techniques we use are teachable, practical, and rewarding. If your organization would like to learn more, drop me a line at bruce@brucehendrick.com or bhendrick@rbbsystems.com .

Overcoming Superman (or Wonder Woman), Part 2 of 2

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 12:53:00 GMT

In Part 1 we discussed the common struggle for so many of us: saying ‘no’. Superman Syndrome (I did not make this up) is a catchy name for it; our last question came from someone who wanted to leave their cape behind.

When we know in advance what we’d prefer to say ‘yes’ to, saying ‘no’ is much easier. We can frame it from within the context of our ‘yes’.

For example: “Thank you for inviting me into this new ministry but I’m already devoting all the time I can right now to x and y at the church. If something opens up, I’ll be sure to reconsider your invitation.”

Sounds easy. And it can be, but only when we are confident that our most important priorities are governing our time commitments. The ODS tool described below is designed to do just that.

Building Trust Personal Priorities Sorting Tool™

This tool helps people create appropriately balanced lives – according to their own definition – and the process is not for the weak of heart. I advise my participants to sit quietly alone to work with this tool. A rainy Saturday is a good choice. For best results, fill out the sheet honestly and quickly. If you feel like a victim who can’t make any adjustments in how you spend your time, wait until you are stronger before you try it!

Instructions

Get the tool here.

Step 1: On the left side, list the significant roles that will command your time over the next 6-12 months. Include main responsibilities plus other activities that can take up substantial amounts of your discretionary time. When in doubt, include it.

Step 2: List one or two predominant feelings you have about how you are doing in each role. Don’t overthink it. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Excited? Happy? Exhausted? By the end of this step you may glimpse how saying ‘no’ may get easier!

Step 3: On a scale from 1-5 with 5 being highest, rate your sense of how successful or effective you are being today in each role. Be fair with yourself; they can’t be all 1’s or 5’s.

Step 5: List the time you think you might need to spend, on average, to be as successful as you would like in each role. Again, don’t expect 5’s from yourself on every role. Your answer could be more than, less than, or the same as you are currently spending.

Step 6: Subtract the times to get the Variance. Don’t worry if things seem bleak – they will recover soon!

Step 7: Now comes the toughest part, the prioritization step. The roles you play do not all carry equal priority. If you can simply force-rank from highest (= 1) to lowest priority, go for it – and put your ranking in the SUG Priority column.

For those like me who need prioritizing criteria, these work extremely well: for each role, decide:

Seriousness: Fill in High, Med, or Low. High seriousness means it matters greatly to your results for what you consider an appropriately balanced life. Low = not so much.

Urgency: Highly urgent means you need to deal with this role/issue right away. Low means it can wait until you get around to it. Med is somewhere in the middle.

Growth: High growth means the issue/role will grow significantly over time. Low growth means it will not grow at all. Again, Med is in the middle.

Determine the SUG Priority column by finding the most High’s from left to right, then Med’s, etc. (the 2nd tab in the ODS tool (link again) does this for you).

Step 8: Decide , based on your new priorities and time variances, what adjustments to your time commitments are needed. Some roles may require dramatic changes, while others none at all. Some roles, while time-consuming today, may not make your top priorities, in which case you’ve just found a good reason to start saying ‘no’ with confidence.

BTPPS Tool At Work

This tool is powerful in the workplace , for stress relief and improved communication . The worker takes Steps 1-6 on their own, and then meets with the boss for Step 7 to jointly prioritize the job roles. This can be especially revealing, as differing views on seriousness and urgency often emerge. Step 8 can also be done together, thereby ensuring a plan with which both people can be comfortable.

BTPPS Tool In Life

As with any tool, this one has its limits too. Priorities change and develop. New non-negotiable tasks and duties drop in our lap. How we spend our time is much like an investment portfolio – it needs to be re-adjusted periodically or it gets out of balance. Those of us who have trouble saying ‘no’ must often be the most diligent investors of all.

How do you personally prioritize? Have you used the Building Trust Personal Priorities Tool ™ ? Feel free to question, comment or share your experiences below!

Images Source: Building Trust, LLC, Google Images

Overcoming Superman (or Wonder Woman) Part 1 of 2

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 12:43:00 GMT

Dear Sure ,

I’m not going to answer your question.

There. I’ve just demonstrated how easy it is. You can say ‘no’, it’s just that too often you don’t say ‘no.’

Let me elaborate since, um, this probably didn’t solve the problem. But let’s acknowledge that you are actively making a choice to say ‘yes’ when you really want to say ‘no.’ This is a blog on communications and trust, after all – and we must be conscious of our behaviors if we expect to change them.

Take comfort! This issue is so common among us humans that some experts describe it as Superman Syndrome. It’s a condition that leads many of us to push ourselves well beyond our limits, most typically in the service of others, avoiding conflict along the way. Pastors , nurses, law enforcement, managers, moms, you name it. We find these people everywhere, in all walks of life. They’re the people who get loaded up with stuff because they get it done – usually without much complaint or fanfare.

Sure , I don’t want to dodge the root cause of your issue which may very well have psychological underpinnings that I’m frankly not qualified to address. I do want to help you deal with the practical aspects of your question. (Note: this is a classic example of a contrasting statement that helps people to quickly get on the same page.) I’ll assume here that you have broken free of the need to be a superhero and are now looking for ways to leave your cape behind.

There are two equally important elements that recovering superheroes must learn to master. The first is that since they will always be compelled to say ‘yes’, the trick then is to channel these ‘yeses’ into the most important areas of their lives. Even Superman knows enough about himself to fight crime; he leaves directing traffic to others. We must know what matters so that we can give ourselves to these areas wholeheartedly. Otherwise we may drift along, saying ’yes’ to reasonably attractive opportunities, and regretting it later.

The second element follows directly from the first: we now learn to say ‘no’ from within the context of our ‘yeses’ above. For example, instead of another unfortunate ‘yes’ or even a sheepish apologetic ‘no’, we might say, “I’d love to help you out in the afternoons but I really must stay focused on my daughter’s school sports.” Those who struggle with saying ‘no’ often discount or lose track of their other commitments. Saying ‘no’ by reinforcing our highest priorities is not only effective with others; it helps us stay focused on our core obligations, increasing our impact and sense of fulfillment in the process.

That sounds good, of course, but how do we do it? How do we claim our own time and make choices in sync with our highest priorities? It starts with knowing what they are.

A Building Trust Tool That Might Help

Since life is dynamic, our priorities can and do change over time. Every so often I reexamine my own priorities by filling out the grid below. I call it the Building Trust Personal Priorities Sorting Tool (available for use here .)

You will note in the above example that I have used significant life roles for a more global, holistic approach to managing my time. The same process can be used in a work setting to examine all the roles and duties (or “hats” that one wears) that sometimes contribute to stress, over commitment and burn-out at the workplace. Since work environments can be particularly challenging to say ‘no’ without sounding insubordinate, this tool can be even more powerful in a work setting when shared with a supervisor or manager.

In my next Building Trust blog post, I will delve into more detail on how this tool is used to give people the confidence they need not only to set personal priorities, but then to use them to set time boundaries constructively without offending.

So, Sure , I ask for your patience until my next post when I will fully answer your question. In the meantime, I encourage you to start practicing saying ‘no’ beginning now, especially in the areas of your life that you already know will not make it through our sorting process. Good luck and Part 2 will be coming soon.

Just Say It, Why Don’t You?

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 14:33:00 GMT

Those who attend my Building Trust communication workshops have said they appreciate my practical, down-to-earth suggestions – which, thankfully, are all I know how to give. Readers who are curious about the theory behind them will have to remain so. Here’s a question I received recently. Many of us face this all-too-common challenge:

Boy do I know this dilemma; I even have my own personal measurement system for it. If I spend more than two minutes in the car ride home reliving the conversation in my mind, kicking myself for what I should have said, then I know I blew it. Sometimes I ruminate about it all evening. I vow, once again, to speak up the next time! But enough about me. Before I go into my real answer to your question, I think we first need to clear away some brush. As a more naturally reticent communicator, you’ve probably been given kudos most of your life for being a patient, attentive listener. Many of us gain friends, influence, and a certain amount of self-worth through the genuine value of letting others be heard – and I would be the last person to discourage this.

So you don’t engage and another opportunity to connect with others slips past. This isolation can be extremely frustrating, especially since others seem to glide through difficult subjects with ease. Removing The Cork

Thanks for being a part of Building Trust’s ongoing trust-building and communications dialog. Practice sharing your opinion by commenting on this post below!

To bring Bruce’s down-to-earth teaching style to your organization, click here to get the ball rolling.